Because of my total lack of control and the overwhelming panic that gripped me, my room turned into pure chaos.

Shredded bedsheets, torn pajamas-my claws had ripped through everything. The mirror was smashed, things were strewn all over the place, and somehow I had even trampled my favorite ficus tree.

I don't even remember how I did it, but I broke down the door-my paws, my muzzle-and bolted outside, running blindly, my heart pounding in my chest. I didn't know where I was going. I just needed to hide, to get away, to survive this... nightmare.

I was terrified-terrified of what I'd become, terrified of what I might do. My parents are human. And my little sister... she's human too. At least, for now.

There are stories-horrible stories-about first transformations going wrong. Werewolves injuring themselves, losing control, hurting loved ones. And sure, we heal fast, almost instantly-but humans don't. If I ever hurt my family... I wouldn't survive the guilt. I couldn't live with myself.

So I ran. I ran from the house, across the creaky old bridge by the river, through the endless fields, until the shadows of the forest wrapped around me like a cloak.

Our forest-dense, wild, untouched. People never ventured far into it. They were too afraid. Good. That meant I could disappear for a while.

I dove deep into the forest, branches slapping my face, underbrush clawing at my legs.

Eventually, I stumbled into a clearing bathed in silver moonlight, my chest heaving, lungs burning. I dropped to the ground, trying to catch my breath.

It was quiet. Peaceful. Too peaceful.

But only for a moment.

Then came the noise-loud, intense, and all around me. The rustling of leaves became a roar. The creak of trees echoed like thunder.

Even the stream nearby-its gentle babbling now sounded like a waterfall crashing through my skull.

Every sound in the forest felt like it had been turned up to full volume.

It was deafening. Overwhelming. I clutched my ears with my paws, crouched low, trembling, heart slamming against my ribs like a trapped bird.

And then... a voice.

Soft. Gentle. Feminine. But with a power that stilled everything inside me.

"Hey, breathe. Focus on your breathing. Don't panic. Let the sounds pass through you. Listen only to your breath."

I listened.

My breath was sharp, ragged, but I held onto it like a lifeline.

Inhale. Exhale. Once.

Inhale. Exhale. Twice.

By the time I reached ten, the world had quieted, as if someone had turned the volume down.

And just like that... I could think again.

I opened my eyes, removed my paws from my ears, and looked up.

In the heart of the clearing stood a red she-wolf, watching me with piercing blue eyes. The moonlight kissed her fur, making it shimmer like gold with every breeze.

She looked... magical. Untouchable.

"So beautiful," I thought.

And then-she answered.

"Oh, thank you! You're not so bad yourself," she said, and laughed-an actual laugh, bright and playful.

It hit me then. Telepathy. Grandpa had told me about it-how werewolves could speak to each other in wolf form, mind to mind.

I'd always brushed it off. Until now.

She stepped closer, slowly, carefully. Something about her felt familiar, especially her eyes-so blue, like the sky after a storm.

"Your first time?" she asked.

I nodded, feeling clumsy and awkward.

"Thought so. I'm Elizabeth, or Eli. What's your name?"

"Dana."

"Nice to meet you, Dana. Deep breaths. No more panicking. Focus on a single sound and ground yourself."

I obeyed. I found the stream again-not crashing, just flowing. Then the whisper of the leaves. Far in the distance-dogs barking from the village. Then-a faint crackle of twigs nearby.

Eli's ears twitched.

"Listen," she said.

I did.

Tiny footsteps. A quick heartbeat. A soft, panicked breath.

Something small was running through the underbrush, fleeing.

"A hedgehog?" I blinked. "Where's he rushing off to?"

"You're adorable," Eli chuckled. "Right now, we're the scariest things in this forest. He knows it. Want to blow your mind?"

I nodded.

"Then listen... with your nose."

I inhaled deeply-and the world exploded again. But this time, in scent.

I smelled everything. Wet earth. Fresh water. Wildflowers. Pine needles. The wind. Animals.

And-wait. A scent I knew. Warm. Safe. Familiar. Grandpa.

I turned, leapt onto a rock, and there he was-emerging from the trees, his massive dark-gray wolf form unmistakable.

"There you are, pup!" he said with relief. "Your parents are going crazy. How are you feeling?"

He stopped beside us, tail flicking, then gave Eli a knowing nod.

"I see you've met Elizabeth."

"I'm okay now," I said quietly, shame washing over me.

"I just... didn't want to hurt anyone. I feel strange. Like I'm not me anymore. Like I'm someone else. It's scary."

"That's normal, sweetheart. You'll learn. You'll grow into your wolf. I remember my first shift-I ended up in the chicken coop. Scared the feathers off them. Literally. Smashed half of it. My mother was furious."

He laughed-soft, nostalgic.

"It's been almost a hundred years since then. You scared me good tonight. Had to sniff half the valley to find you. Haven't done that in decades. It felt... kinda nice, actually. Brought back memories."

Then, with a wolfish grin:

"Anyway, time to head home. My place is closer, and your parents are waiting. But let's shift back later-I don't want you traumatized by the sight of your grandfather's glorious naked butt."

He barked a laugh and trotted ahead. Eli and I exchanged a look-and followed without hesitation. Eli lived just two streets from Grandpa's farm.

As we arrived, I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror. Staring back at me was a sleek, black she-wolf with stormy gray eyes.

Just like Grandpa's. Genes don't lie.

Surprisingly, shifting back into my human form wasn't as painful.

The aches lingered, like a full-body flu. But it was bearable.

A hot bath-Eli's suggestion-worked wonders.

And finally, as the water soothed my aching muscles, I felt something I hadn't felt since the shift began...

Peace.

Returning home the next day, I couldn't escape the sidelong glances from our neighbors.

And as if that wasn't enough, when I called my childhood friend Dominica to tell her what happened, she flat-out said she didn't really want to talk to me anymore. Those "friends forever" who used to sit side by side on the garden pots... gone.

At home, my worried parents and little sister Mia were waiting for me.

"Daughter! Finally! We were so scared!" my mother exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug.

"How do you feel? Are you okay? We were terrified. Thank goodness grandfather helped find you," I could see the genuine worry and exhaustion in her eyes.

"Mom, I'm fine now. Honestly, I was scared too," I admitted.

"I just didn't want to hurt you all, so I ran away. Please forgive me."

Noticing her nervous energy, I quickly added, "I'm better now. Everything went more or less smoothly, though my muscles really ache. Let's have some tea to calm down."

She sighed deeply and headed to the kitchen to prepare tea, while my dad, Mia, and I stayed in the hall.

"Dad, on a scale from one to ten, how worried was Mom?" I asked quietly.

He smiled wryly. "She uprooted half the garden before dawn. But she calmed down. You know, Mom's best therapist is a hoe."

During our family tea, it was decided I would stay with my grandfather for a while - until I grew closer to my animal side and learned to control myself better. It would be safer for everyone that way. Plus, Grandpa could always advise me if any problems with my werewolf nature popped up.

After that, the conversation drifted to lighter topics, and the evening ended peacefully.

When I finally went upstairs, I was surprised to find my room tidy.

But then again, Mom must have done her best - she even nursed my ficus back to health. No doubt, she has a real talent with plants.

Approaching the mirror, I searched for any visible changes.

My brown, slightly curly hair still fell below my shoulder blades. My nose was neat, lips a little full, and my eyes light gray. No bruises, no stray fur anywhere.

Good. No extra "vegetation."

Just as I was about to sink into sleep, a soft knock came at the door.

"Sis, can I lie down with you for a while?" Mia's quiet voice asked.

"Sure, come in," I smiled. She quickly crawled into bed and pulled the blanket over herself.

"Danka, how is it? Do you have superpowers now? Can you talk telepathically? What does your she-wolf look like? Did you see her? Did you howl at the moon?" Mia's questions came like a flood.

"Whoa, slow down, Cucumber!" I laughed.

"Let me explain. It feels... strange, but amazing. I can feel my wolf inside me. She reminds me of you - curious, admiring the world, always studying everything new. She looks a lot like Grandpa's wolf - black and beautiful."

At the word "beautiful," I felt my she-wolf growl softly inside me.

"I can only talk telepathically in wolf form with other werewolves. And as for howling at the moon... Mia, where did you get that idea? Werewolves don't really do that - at least, I didn't feel like it."

"I'm so jealous! I want to be a werewolf too! Now you can find your true mate on your own. How romantic!" Mia sighed dreamily, eyes sparkling with admiration.

If only she knew how much I loved this little firecracker.

Though she's not really a baby anymore - eleven years old now, green-eyed and blonde, destined to steal many hearts. But to me, she'll always be my little Cucumber.

She got the nickname because, as a toddler, she loved cucumbers and was always nibbling on them.

"Well, speaking of sniffing, I heard you were using my perfume again. Since when did you start caring about romance?"

"Fell in love, or what?" I teased.

Mia rolled her eyes, pretending to be offended.

"I'm not in love! I just found a book about werewolves in love - it's so exciting and romantic! They went through so much and found their way back to each other. They could even heal each other! I wish I could do that someday."

These days, werewolf romance books are everywhere, painting breathtaking tales of unearthly love.

But in reality, not everyone finds their true mate. Many marriages are out of convenience, or just happen to be with the wrong person.

The only true story I know is Grandpa and Grandma - they truly found each other.

I haven't really looked into it deeper, hoping the werewolf troubles wouldn't touch me.

I kept these thoughts from Mia - no point ruining her innocence. Girls should dream.

"Well, we'll see when you turn eighteen. Only six and a half years to wait," I smiled at her fragile enthusiasm.

"Yes! Will you show me your she-wolf then? I want to see her so badly!"

Her bright eyes made it impossible to say no.

"I will. But first, we'll learn self-control - just in case. Then I'll introduce you. I think she likes you too, but it's better not to meet yet. I'd never forgive myself if I hurt you or anyone else," I said sincerely.

"Okay, I'll wait."

"It's late now. Let's go to bed quickly, or I might bite you!" I laughed, pinching her side.

Mia giggled and ran out of the room.

"Good night, Cucumber!"

"I'm not Cucumber! Good night!" she called back.

I fell asleep with a smile.

---

In the following days, I moved to live with my grandfather. Unlike our village, there were more werewolves in his, and people were more accepting. I later found out that Elizabeth's family was also a werewolf family.

Speaking of Elizabeth - we became close friends. She's kind but straightforward, very different from me.

The red-haired beauty came from a wealthy, ancient werewolf lineage.

Her parents were strict and didn't approve of Eli's friendships with humans. But since I was already a werewolf, they strangely welcomed me. Our friendship was left undisturbed.

Grandpa had a dozen or so workers on his farm. I helped him during the day, and practiced transformations in the evenings.

Each time, the change was less painful - a relief.

Eli and I often ran through the forest chasing animals. We didn't hunt them, just enjoyed the thrill of the chase.

Well, everyone has their own way of having fun.

On my grandfather's farm, I met Arthur - a kind, good-hearted, and handsome guy. Blond, with light brown eyes - "whiskey-colored," as they say - he had a natural way with animals and was studying to become a veterinarian. He was a bit skinny and had only recently started working for his grandfather. He was the same age as Eli.

We quickly became friends. Arthur always knew how to keep a conversation interesting, and his sense of humor was spot on.

One day, when Eli came to visit us on the farm, I whispered shyly,

"Eli, I think... I have a not-so-friendly kind of crush on Arthur."

We were standing in the garden, and I couldn't take my eyes off Arthur, who was fussing over a mare about a hundred meters away.

"He has such hands... And his gaze? It goes straight into a woman's soul. Here's a secret - I think I'm in love," I confessed softly.

Eli snorted and laughed - not very ladylike.

"You just realized this today? What about yesterday?"

"Well, yesterday I didn't have those thoughts. But today... I realized I can't breathe properly when he's around," I admitted, still not used to sharing my feelings.

Eli laughed even harder.

"Oh, you silly greenhorn! It's a full moon tonight! Werewolves have what you might politely call heightened libido for twenty-four hours. Your female instincts need male attention. And since Arthur's young and handsome, guess who caught the spotlight? He's definitely into you too. Don't confuse physical urges with real feelings," she said more gently.

I thought about it - and she was right. Mostly, it was just strong physical excitement.

"Do you get like that too? How do you handle it?" I asked, then added quietly and a bit embarrassed, "Have you... well, experienced THAT yet?"

Eli's expression suddenly grew sad.

"No. Not yet. My parents are 'saving me for my carefree future.'"

I raised my eyebrows, confused.

"That's why they lock me in my room on full moon nights. During the day, it's just desire, but at night, it becomes a need - one not everyone can resist."

"What do you mean by 'my carefree future'?"

"They're not true mates," Eli explained. "Their marriage is one of convenience. My mother wasn't eager to marry my father, and he didn't care who he married. Now they claim they're happy and tell me to find my mate. But I think they just settled and got used to it. They're trying to find a suitable purebred mate for me to keep the family's status and wealth. That's my fate too."

I was shocked. I looked at Eli and couldn't imagine living with a man you didn't love. What if he was awful? It felt so unfair. I felt sorry for her - she's such a bright, cheerful person, and they want to force this on her.

"But last full moon, you were in the woods!" I recalled, frowning.

"Yes. My parents went to visit relatives - probably my cousin was looking for a fiancé. They had a family council. The maid forgot to lock me up since my parents usually do it themselves. I slipped out for a walk," Eli said cheerfully, then added, "Don't worry. I've got a plan. If my fiancé turns out ugly or old or just wrong for me, I'll run. I'm even learning to pick locks - saving my pocket money," she winked.

My eyes widened. God, I wish I had her courage and optimism sometimes.

That night, I asked my grandfather to lock me in my room. He was surprised but did as I asked.

The night was horrible. A burning heat low in my belly, I thought I'd climb the walls. I'd never felt desire so intensely. My she-wolf didn't understand my reclusive behavior - she wanted to roam free, not act like a noble lady. I won't admit it openly, but I had to... take care of myself.

How long could I keep this up?

____

Six years passed.

What changed? Almost everything.

Eli found her true mate - Robert Vesnitsky. He's also a werewolf, though not originally meant for her. Fate, it seems, is a magician - they found each other.

I'm so happy for her. Now they're raising their son, Nicholas, who's four. I adore that little boy - those sweet cheeks just begging to be kissed.

Mia grew into a beautiful girl. I can't really call her "Cucumber" anymore - well, only when I want to tease her. But I still love her madly.

Her favorite pastime is reading - especially romance novels. And she's obsessed with a popular boy band, like most girls her age. Apparently, at this age, everyone sees the world through rose-colored glasses, waiting for their prince on a white horse.

I finished my studies in the city a couple of years ago but never stayed.

I came back to care for my grandfather, who had sacrificed so much for me. Age and the loss of my grandmother have taken a toll on him. Werewolves can live over a century - but not without their mate.

It's been a month since he passed away.

I still live on his farm. Somehow, it makes me feel closer to him - I miss him deeply. He was not just my grandfather but my life mentor. We buried him next to my grandmother, so they're finally reunited.

I have never met my mate, and probably never will.

I'm almost twenty-five, and still no suitable candidate for family life.

There were suitors, dates, courtships - but nothing ever felt right. The honeymoon phase is lovely, but I can't imagine any of them as my lifelong partner.

So I stopped looking. Finding your mate is a gift of fate - and maybe it's just not meant for me.

One afternoon, sitting on the porch of my grandfather's house, sipping aromatic tea and watching the workers around the farm, my phone rang.

Damn. I'd just gotten comfortable, and the phone was inside the house.

Reluctantly, I got up and trudged to answer. Who could disturb my siesta?

I answered without looking:

"Hello?"

"Danka, hi!" Eli's voice was warm. "How are you?"

"As usual. Nothing new," I answered, lacking enthusiasm.

"That's no good!" I could hear her frown - then excitement crept into her voice.

"Listen, Robert's good friend needs an assistant - well, technically a secretary's assistant. Apparently, the secretary 'works after hours' so much she never finishes her tasks. Grandpa's gone now, so why stay in that village? A change of scenery might help you find a groom. It's good for women's health."

I rolled my eyes. Everyone wants to set me up. First Mom, then Dad, now Eli.

"I don't have problems with 'women's health,'" I replied dryly.

"Oh, right. You have Arthur - your 'female helper'!" she teased, irritated.

"Oh God! Don't call him that! You know he's a good guy," I muttered.

"All right. He loves you, so he'll do anything. Why don't you give him a chance?"

"I love him - as a friend. A special friend, yes, but nothing more. What chance? It wouldn't be fair to him. I don't have deeper feelings, and he deserves someone who loves him completely."

Arthur matured a lot over the years. He started going to the gym and got strong. Not a skinny boy anymore - a handsome man popular with women.

We were, are, and I hope, will remain good friends. Arthur and Eli are my best friends.

It would be foolish to deny that I know about his feelings. It's obvious to anyone paying attention.

I endured every full moon, hoping for my soulmate, then grew desperate. The she-wolf demanded her due.

And at one of those moments, Arthur was simply there.

Abstinence wasn't just unpleasant anymore - it was painful. I thought the she-wolf would one day take full control, so better to give my innocence to someone I know and who loves me, rather than to the first person my horny she-wolf gazed at.

That's how our friendship became friends with benefits. When it gets really bad, Arthur helps. Never refused.

It's funny - who can say no? Maybe he still hopes I'll love him, though I've been clear from the start so he has no illusions.

We probably should end it before he never finds someone else. Arthur deserves happiness. God, how selfish I am! Maybe Eli's right - I need a change of scenery.

"Yeah, he's a good guy," Eli agreed. "Think about the job. It's a great chance to settle in the city, and the pay's good. But the boss is, let's say, lovey-dovey - which keeps the secretary from getting work done. I bet there's a blonde with a size five bust and saucer lips," she laughed. "Don't think too long - a place like that won't stay empty."

"You know what? I'm in. What do I have to lose?" I shrugged. "But one condition - just for you."

"What's that?"

"Don't tell Robert to help me get the job. I want to do the interview myself. No pretty eyes or connections."

I heard Eli sigh and probably roll her eyes. Then she said,

"All right. You're smart and responsible. I trust you'll manage. I promise not to interfere."

"Deal."

"But pack your things. The interview's the day after tomorrow. You'll stay in our old apartment - not far from the firm. We haven't sold it since buying the new house."

"Thank you so much, Eli. What would I do without you?"