I didn't remember how my feet carried me away from that scene, only that my chest felt like being squeezed so tight. The image of their lips pressed together was burned into me, etched so deep I couldn't breathe.

It didn't occur to me that I would be facing this kind of dilemma. I thought being a soldier meant I could endure any wound, whether it was poisoned by the wolfsbane or not. But I realized this kind of wound I had right now was different.

This was my fated mate, the one the Moon Goddess had chosen for me, the one who was supposed to be my other half, only to face this betrayal I never expected to happen to me.

Why was this happening to me?

The two people I loved the most... Why would they do such a thing to me?

I didn't know how long I had been walking, but by the time I stopped, I was already standing before a tavern, realizing that the night had arrived. I could hear the laughter, men's hooligan voices, and the jangle of mugs inside.

Gazing at the cracked windows, the bitterness hinted in my mouth because this was a place for soldiers to forget themselves. I had been hearing my comrades going to this kind of place when they were too tired from dealing with their duty.

And this was a place I never thought I'd step into... until tonight.

As I pushed the two-way swing doors, the strong scent of ale and smoke wafted in the air, almost making me gag. I must have looked crazy since some people turned to stare at me before returning to their beverages. I slapped a quarter on the counter and sat on a stool, ignoring them.

"Something strong," I muttered. My voice didn't sound like mine. I didn't really care anymore. I just wanted the strong beverage to kick me in.

My throat burned after the first drink, feeling like there was a fire burning it, but I enjoyed the sensation. The second made me numb. The pain in my chest turned into a jumbled mixture of anger, grief, and bewilderment by the third drink.

There were flashes for me with each swallow. Memories that I didn't have alone. Those memories, I proclaimed that I had been reincarnated and experienced the same pain.

I remembered being a healer kneeling by a river, as my hand reached out to my mate to accept me despite my occupation.

I remembered being a scholar, spending my whole time sacrificing my study to my mate as I begged him not to trade me for power. In the end, he chose it over me.

I remembered being a warrior as my superior I trusted, turned to another, leaving me heartbroken on the field.

And the worst of all, I remembered standing as a Luna from a pack I could barely remember the name of before I met the miserable fate of taking my own life because of the pain my Alpha mate had inflicted.

Lifetime after lifetime, I had loved. Lifetime after lifetime, I had been forsaken.

And I knew to myself that I had been in a different body, and each past life I had had the same betrayal linger. I didn't know why I had these memories, or was I going insane because of the betrayal of Redmund and Lilith?

And this timeline I was in... this was another reincarnation. I had lived in another body again and gained my memories from my past lives.

"Euphyllia..." I bitterly murmured my name.

In every lifetime, I had borne the same name for some reason. Realizing it brought chills down my spine.

I needed some answers. I wanted to know if I was still thinking straight.

The mug slipped from my hand, spilling what was left onto the counter. My vision whirled, but it wasn't just the drink. It was too much, all of it pressing in.

"Strange place for a royal soldier to bleed her sorrows."

The words slid across the room, deep and baritone voice laced with quiet amusement. I turned, heart stumbling as my eyes found him.

He sat in the shadows of the corner table, a man who could get anyone's attention with just his mere presence. Damn it! 

Broad shoulders, short, neat brunette hair, a short beard, sharp jaw, freckled hazel eyes gleaming like steel under firelight. Not only that, an immense power was radiating off him, an aura that was too hard to ignore.

Everyone knew that face.

It was no other than Lucretius Xior Franciosa. A 39-year-old man who was the current Alpha of the Golden Eclipse Pack, one of the commanders of the royal military, and last but not least, Redmund's uncle.

And now, his gaze was fixed on me.

For a moment, I just stared at him, having a hard time mustering a response. Shit! I couldn't help but slightly frown, feeling agitated as I wondered why he was here in this place. And of all people that I had to meet, why him?

Why Redmund's uncle?

Was the Moon Goddess punishing me? Was this her way to slap on my face that I would always be hunted by Redmund?

The alcohol made it difficult for me to think straight, but his heavy presence was enough to make me sober in ways the drink couldn't.

My lips parted, but no words came out. I mentally pushed myself to at least say something, but I wasn't in my right mind right now due to my raw emotions.

"Lord Lucretius Franciosa..." I finally whispered, my voice hoarse. "Or must I say, Commander Franciosa..."

The way I mentioned his rank and name felt so bitter in my mouth. It felt like mentioning my mate, or must be because they were related to each other.

He arched his eyebrow, bringing the mug before taking a sip. "So, you know me," he said casually. I knew that I must suppose to greet him because of the difference in our ranks, but I chose not to. "Then again, who doesn't?"

The arrogance in his tone almost made me sneer. I had an urge to fly my punch on his face. Now, I knew how annoying he was.

No wonder a few of his peers didn't like him because of his airhead attitude. My comrades could put a term on him as an infamous commander, despite that he was good-looking and smart. I heard from them that he had a playboy reputation and he was using his appearance to his advantage.

I heard he could pull any woman with just a few sweet words. Even in that age, he could bed any woman he wanted.

I only met Commander Lucretius on occasional times because of the disparity of our work positions. He was always dispatched to handle some military affairs, while I was always staying on my work station, engulfed by the strategic books and maps.

Never would I imagine that I would be in the same place as him. He might be Redmund's uncle, and as much as I wanted to meet his family, Commander Lucretius was the only one I never wanted to cross paths with.

His aura was quite frightening. His Alpha aura was emitting that even though he wasn't my Alpha or the highest superior in the royal military, if he ordered me to sacrifice myself on the battlefield, I would probably do it.

That was how his effect on me.

But it didn't escape me how charismatic and captivating he was, especially those hazel eyes, which were piercing my whole being.

I snapped back to reality when his lips curved into a smirk. "Perhaps, my striking appearance is enough to make you sober, my lady?"

I almost snorted and held my mug tightly, trying to contain myself not to throwing it in his direction. "I am in my civilian clothing, yet you can identify me that I am part of the royal military, Commander." I sighed in relief that I was able to construct a proper sentence. "As far as I know, I am not under your wing," I added.

Because of how pompous he was, perhaps, I was sober now. Or so I thought.

Lucretius chuckled, low and unhurried, his hazel eyes glinting like he had peeled away my disguise with a single glance. "Royal soldiers wear their burdens in their stance. Even drunk, your spine doesn't bend." He winked.

His words cut too close, and I shifted on my stool. "Or maybe you just enjoy prying into things that aren't your concern."

Oh, this could be courting death for me right now. I shouldn't be talking back like this to my superior.

It was the fault of the alcohol that flowed in my veins right now. I felt unstoppable as of this moment.

"Maybe," he admitted, smirking. "But watching someone unravel alone is... boring." He tipped his glass toward me, a silent invitation. "Join me, my lady."

I almost refused when he gestured his hand. Every fiber of me wanted to spit in his smug face and walk out, but my legs felt too heavy, my heart too hollow. Against my better judgment, I found myself sliding from the bar and following him to his table in the shadowed corner.

The seat opposite him felt dangerous, but I ignored it, wanting to enjoy someone's company tonight.

"What makes a beautiful lady like you drink alone here? Did someone break your heart? Perhaps, your mate?"

His questions stung. It felt like a poisoned arrow struck my heart.

It was your goddamn nephew! I wanted to shout.

"It's none of your business," I replied bitterly. "Can we just talk about something else?" I ordered another ale and was about to drink it when a hand covered its rim and snatched it from me. "Hey!"

I caught Commander Lucretius waving the mug in front of me with a teasing grin plastered on his lips. "You're going to throw up in your fourth drink. Trust me. You don't want to get wasted, my lady."

I frowned, not liking his words. How did he know I was on my fourth drink? Had he been watching me all this time?

"You don't tell me what I need to do or not. Give my drink back to me," I demanded, but he didn't budge.

"Oh, a soldier like you is ordering me. How frightening."

Gnashing my teeth, I leaned forward and tried to snatch it back, but his reflexes were quick to move it away from me. "You dumbass!"

With my impatient and annoyed behavior, I couldn't help standing up while he did the same as he raised his arm to hold my mug. "Whoa there, my little soldier," he said when I drew closer to him, tiptoeing to reach it from him. "If you want me, just say so. I can give you a night of pleasure."

I halted, and that was when I realized my body was pressed against him as my hand was behind his head. His intoxicating earthy scent wafted in my nostrils, making my breath hitch. And I felt like being drawn to him more as time passed by. 

The noises in the tavern had gradually became silent until all I could hear was the unshaken rhythm of my pulse and his hot breath. 

Commander Lucretius's body was solid as a wall, yet radiating an Alpha's dangerous heat, while his words still echoed in my head.

"If you want me, just say so."

That brought chills down my spine before I froze when his arm snaked around my waist. I froze, but my body betrayed me.

The press of his chest against hers, the possessiveness of his strong, muscled arm on my waist, the tight hold of his hand on the mug, and the faint graze of his jaw near my temple... His presence was too much for me to handle.

Good Moon Goddess...

My heart felt like about to burst out as it screamed betrayal at the very thought of accepting his invitation. And my flesh was burning with hunger. I couldn't even remember ever allowing myself to look at another man other than Redmund.

"I-In your dreams!" I stammered, but my voice lacked substance. 

Commander Lucretius tilted his head, his smirk deepening as his hazel eyes examined me as if he could see right through my soul. "And yet..." he paused, leaning forward to graze his lips so close to my ear that my breath hitched. "...you haven't pulled away, my little soldier."

His response made my fingers tighten unconsciously in his hair. That my action startled me, I couldn't believe that I didn't even retreat. The mere thought of my mate caused a gleam of the image of him and Lilith kissing. 

It felt like being stabbed and twisted inside my chest by a knife. At this moment, I just wanted nothing but to forget the pain Redmund caused me. 

But there was a hint of a warning bell ringing in my head. I knew that I should push him, slap him, or even storm out to reclaim what was left of my dignity. I must stay loyal to my mate. However, my mate wasn't doing the same thing.

My wolf howled in pain as my voice broke in a whisper. It was pure bitterness and vulnerability, "Maybe... I don't want to remember tonight."

Yes... That could be it. I just wanted to ignore the warnings and forget the pain. The alcohol had already hit me, and I felt much bolder than earlier.

As I gawked at him, something in Commander Lucretius's smirk shifted. His smile changed from playful arrogance to something darker, more dangerous, I must add.

I gulped when he set aside the mug and cupped my face. His calloused thumb sensually caressed my lower lip while his other hand took mine as he brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it.

"Say the word, my little soldier," he murmured. "And I'll take you away from here."

Before I could even respond, his mouth claimed mine.

My heart was beating so fast when Commander Lucretius brought me to a nearby inn. Excitement and nervousness were kicking in with the help of the beverage I had drank earlier. 

Once the door was closed, it felt like my heart was about to explode when his hand took mine and brought it to his lips. "Your hand is cold, my little soldier," he stated huskily, leaving the back of my hand with some kisses. My breath hitched at his actions. "Should I take this that this is your first time?"

My lips parted from his question. How did he come up to that conclusion? Was it because he had bedded so many women that he knew how to read our actions?

I snapped back to reality when he drew closer, closing the gap between us when he snatched my waist and sultrily caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. "I'd appreciate if you are going to be honest with me so I know if I am going to be rough on you or be gentle."

His gaze looked hungry, but his gentle tone ignited something in me. This man knew how to be gentle... That was what I had thought.

Gulping, I stared into his hazel orbs, drowning myself into them. "I don't care if you're going to be rough on me, Commander Lucretius," I replied, avoiding answering him.

Truth to be told, I had never given myself to Redmund even though we were fated mates. He had attempted so many times that we performed the mating ritual without marking each other first, but I politely declined him and told him that it would be better if we were going to get married first.

I believed in celibacy, a practice of the divine priests and priestesses in the Temple of the Moon Goddess. But Redmund never liked my choice, and he would end up being angry at me every time I would deny the kind of intimacy he wanted.

Now, my preaching of celibacy would be broken because of this man, luring me into the depths of pleasure. He was not just any man, he was Redmund's uncle, the person my mate despised the most.

Reason?

It was because his uncle, who hadn't married yet and had an heir, didn't want to pass down the Alpha title to him and wanted to reign the Golden Eclipse Pack.

As far as I know, Commander Lucretius had been an Alpha since he turned 18 after his father passed. He was the firstborn amongst the two siblings, which the younger was Redmund's father.

Redmund hated his uncle as far as I could remember because as the first in line to inherit their pack, Commander Lucretius didn't pass it down when my mate turned 18. Since then, he became his nemesis. Redmund wanted to become the Alpha so he joined the royal military to prove his uncle that he was fit to become one.

"How cold. Just call me by my name, my little soldier." He coerced me to gawk at him. I held my breath when his hot breath was fanning on my face. The scent of whisky and his intoxicating scent mingled that gradually drown me to be hypnotized. "Say it and be a good girl for me."

I mindlessly licked my lips when my eyes darted at his lips before returning my gaze on him. "L-Lucretius..." I mumbled. I couldn't help but felt my body on fire just by mentioning on his name.

No honorifics included. Just his name, calling him in my sultry tone, which I never thought I could ever do to another man.

Lucretius pressed his bulging desire against my hip, making my breath falter. A low growl escaped him, feral and dark, as though my trembling surrender was the very thing he craved most. His lips brushed my ear, his voice husky, "That's it... my little soldier. The way you said my name just now, I'll make sure you never forget how it feels on your tongue."

His mouth claimed mine in a fierce kiss as if he wanted to steal the air from my lungs. His tongue sought entrance to my mouth which I eventually welcomed him until I felt myself being melted into his arms.

I felt my back hit the wall. The cold surface of it contrasted with the fever that was burning between us. His kiss was demanding and dominating, and all I could do was to follow his lead while his hands were everywhere. 

They were tracing my waist, cupping my face, sliding to reach the back of my neck to deepen the kiss, making me tightly close my eyes to feel him more.

I whimpered into his mouth when he gripped my thigh and hooked it around his hip. Then he rubbed his bulge on the apex of my thigh, setting my body on fire.

"You don't look like this is your first time, my little soldier," he whispered to my ear after our mind-blowing kiss as he began sucking on my earlobe, earning me a soft moan. "Are you certain this is your first time?"

I groaned in protest from his question. I wanted to answer him, but because of the moans, I could barely utter a word. 

"Please..." Only one word escaped from my mouth as I shivered in coldness after he undressed me. 

With the help of the moonlight seeping in between the curtains, I was able to catch his primal hunger reflected in his eyes as he eyed me up and down. "Most beautiful body I have ever seen..." he muttered.

His words rolled over me like a dark vow, and the way his eyes devoured me made my skin prickle with heat. The rough pads of his hands explored as though he were committing every curve, every tremble, every shiver of mine to memory.

Oh, dear Moon Goddess, I knew that this was wrong, but it felt so right at the same time. 

A soft gasp escaped from my lips as he undressed himself and showed me his most precious treasure he had been kept behind his pants.

I gulped at his length, feeling fear and excitement at the same time. "Y-You're huge...!" It was too late to take back those words the moment he chuckled darkly.

He lowered his face until our faces were even. "Feel me." He grabbed my hand and guided me to hand his hardened dick, making me gasp in solitude.

At first, he was guiding me how to stroke it until I unconsciously did it on my own, gulping at the gist that almost covered half of him. His breathing hardened at the consecutive stroke I did. His soft groan became music to my ears, silently indicating that I was doing well.

My mouth watered, having the urge to feel his dick on my mouth. But before I could do that, Lucretius roughly pulled my head back and halted my hand, hissing.

"Fuck... Halt right there, my little soldier," he said, his tone sounded like he was about to lose control. "I almost cum even though this is your first time holding one," he whispered and licked the crook of my neck. "And this is my first time meeting a woman who can make me do that..."

I was speechless from his words, didn't have the time to react when he latched one of my nipples. A loud gasp broke out from me. My hand inadvertently clung to his broad shoulders as I arched my back from the pleasure while his other hand was kneading my other breast and tweaked my nipple.

"Lucretius..." His name escaped me again, breathless. I was torn between a moan and a plea.

The way he was sucking each of my twin globes was enough to lose my mind. I could even feel myself getting wet each time passed by.

Dear Moon Goddess... This pleasure was too much for me to handle! It was so fucking good!

"Lucretius..." I moaned his name several times.

He growled low. His lips were tracing down the crook of my neck, leaving some hot wet kisses up to my ear. "Say it again," he commanded against my skin. "Say my name until it's the only word your lips remember."

I gasped when he lifted me and carried me with ease to the bed. He crawled on top of me, his weight pinning me, which should have been frightening. My heart kept hammering inside my chest while my body had ignited something reckless and forbidden inside me.

The scent of whisky lingered on his breath, mingling with the raw, masculine scent of his skin as he hovered over me. "You're trembling," he murmured, thumb brushing over my lips before slipping lower to trail across my collarbone. "Not from fear... from need."

I whimpered when his knees coerced me to spread them for me until they went underneath. My hands covered my face from the embarrassment because I felt exposed and didn't want to see his reaction.

But they were soon removed and pinned on each side of me by Lucretius. His teeth gently teased my lower lip. "Don't," he huskily pleaded. "I want to see your beautiful face when I please you."

I slowly opened my eyes and caught him lowering his upper body. I tried to close my legs, but he left it wide open.

"L-Lucretius...!" I could feel the heat on my cheeks when he placed my legs on top of his shoulders. "W-What are you doing?"

His lips curved up into a smirk. "Exceed your expectations, my little soldier."

Without further ado, he dove to my wetness, causing me to gasp so loud and moan afterwards when I felt his tongue tease my sensitive bud. "Oh...!" I was caught off guard by it and arched my back from the pleasure when he sucked on it. My hand looked like it had a mind of its own, gripping his hair so tightly. "Lucretius... More..." I pleaded. "Please..."

I found myself pushing his face more when I felt pressure growing in between my legs. I felt him smirking before he turned us around. My eyes widened when he was underneath and made me sit back on his face.

"What..." I was dumbfounded at his action.

His grin widened. "Sit on me, my little soldier." He licked his lips. "I want to be suffocated by your sweet essence."

I bit my lower lip, hesitant, before following him. But as soon as his mouth came in contact with my wetness, my hips started to grind on their own when he sucked my sensitive bud.

"More... More... Dear Moon Goddess..." I could feel that pressure building up again and let myself be drowned in it.

Then, it came as I screamed his name, my eyes rolled to the back of my head as the ecstasy of pleasure shot right through me. I collapsed on my stomach, panting, but still he didn't stop from licking me clean before he finally turned me over and positioned himself between my legs.

I bit my thumb, gulping as I questioned if I could take him whole. The nervousness and excitement didn't dissipate; instead, they became intense, wondering how his dick would feel inside me.

"I don't deal with virgins, but I'll make an exception for you, my little soldier," he uttered hoarsely, his head seeking entrance to my wet opening.

"W-Why do you sound like I am special?" I couldn't help but ask. Thanks to my drunkenness, I was brave enough to ask.

He smirked at my question. "Just because."

With that, he finally slid inside me. My face contorted in pain as my nails dug into the sheets, feeling something tearing apart inside me.

Lucretius halted for a moment when I grunted in pain and leaned forward to cup my face. "Ssshh. It's alright, my little soldier." His voice was gentle. But tears were already streaming from my face. "Should I stop?"

I vigorously shook my head and stared at him. "K-Keep going. P-Please." My voice hinted at uncertainty.

His thumb caressed my tears before he claimed my lips. This time, it wasn't rough but pure gentleness and passion as if he was trying to coax me to return the same fervor and intensity, which I did until I was distracted, and Lucretius continued thrusting forward.

At first, the pain was still there, but it gradually subsided and changed into a mind-blowing pleasure that I had never felt before. 

Every thrust felt like my breath had been taken away, making the stretch both intolerable and intoxicating. Desperate to ground myself against the tempest he was releasing within me, my hands clawed at his back.

Oh, good Moon Goddess! 

"Lucretius..." His name from my mouth like a curse and a prayer, punctuated by groans I could no longer contain.

His snarl echoed across my flesh as his teeth scraped my shoulder. "You feel too good, my little soldier. So tight... you'll ruin me." His words were ragged, almost pained, as though my very surrender was undoing the control he was known for.

The pain melted away as every thrust was enough to make me gasp and moans I couldn't control. My body was betraying me by begging for more. I felt bold when I wrapped my legs around his waist, urging him to go deeper and faster until he finally obliged to my plea.

"Yes... Yes!" I cried out from pleasure, my back arching when he placed my leg on his shoulder, striking the sweet spot that made my vision go haywire. "D-Don't stop!" I demanded, gasping. "Please don't stop!"

"Look at you," he said throatily, his eyes locked on mine, even as sweat beaded on his forehead. His thumb sensually touched my lower lip as he slipped past it and played with my tongue when I whispered. "So desperate for me... not your mate, not any man... just me," he emphasized each word with a deep, nonstop thrust that made me call and cry out his name over and over.

"Lucretius!" I screamed when the pressure blasted, my body was trembling involuntarily and violently beneath him. I felt like in the celestial heaven all of a sudden, rendered speechless by it.

However, he didn't stop and snarled at the way I clung to him. Finally, his control snapped. He buried himself completely into me with a final, guttural moan, his body shaking as he let his release, claiming me as if he didn't want to let me go. 

Lucretius collapsed on top of me, his forehead resting on mine. Panting, I felt my eyes getting heavy while I felt him raining me with so many wet kisses on my neck.

"You're mine," he whispered possessively.

But I could barely understand what he said and let myself doze off.

I slowly peeled my eyes open. I was bewildered, wondering where I was and how I was here. But then the memory from last night flashed me.

That husky voice... Those calloused hands... Those wet lips were worshipping my whole body until all I could do was scream his name...

I froze from the realization. Not only that, in my peripheral vision, there was a bulk figure beside me, making my blood drain from my face as soon as I saw the tangle of sheets, the discarded pieces of my clothing on the floor, and him—Commander Lucretius—sleeping beside me.

My body was immobilized as I held my breath. The blood from my face drained completely.

Oh, my dear Moon Goddess! What had I done?!

I instantly got up so fast to the point that the ache between my thighs reminded me of the ecstasy night I experienced. I gripped the sheets, suddenly crossing in my mind his touch.

Shame and regret started to gnaw at my chest, feeling like I was about to pass out.

I was a royal soldier, bound by duty and honor, practicing celibacy until the day I got married to my mate, yet here I was sleeping in the same bed with a man I barely knew.

I could never redo this. My reputation... My beliefs...

I decided to take my clothes, my fingers trembling as I pulled my tunic over my head. Commander Lucretius stirred from his sleep as I halted from dressing up, afraid that I had woken him up.

When I made certain that he didn't wake up, staring intently at his handsome features, I made haste, grabbing my boots hit the floorboards with a soft thud. I didn't even care if that sound would wake him up. I just wanted to leave the place as soon as possible.

But before I could stand up, despite the pain between my legs, my heart flipped out of my ribcage when his hand caught my wrist, shivers running down my spine. As I turned, I softly gasped upon seeing his awakened state, looking so stunning even though he had just woken up.

"Leaving me already, my little soldier?" he asked in a groggy tone.

I hastily yanked my hand away when I felt myself weakened from his touch.

"T-This was a mistake. I-I have to go."

And then I stormed, not waiting for him to say anything. I ignored the pain I felt and ran as fast as I could. My heart was pounding so fast, sprinting more as if that could help me forget the memory of his hands, his voice, the way he made me feel, and the way he pleased me.

This was wrong. I knew this was wrong.

May the Moon Goddess forgive me. I didn't mean to...

I returned to the Starry Shadows Pack, full of guilt and misery from the mistaken night. I couldn't believe that I let myself succumb to another man's touch when Redmund couldn't even do that to me.

"Gamma Euphyllia, I haven't seen you since yesterday. Where have you been?"

I was startled when I came to meet Devika, one of the eldest people here in our pack, as I was on my way to the infirmary. I quickly composed myself and bowed before her. "Madam Devika, greetings." I simply gripped the hem of my tunic. "I have been out to visit a friend that's why I wasn't here," I replied to her question.

I must act like everything was alright since yesterday, even though I had spiral events that until now, I was still processing. I wanted to cry now, but I had a business I need to do in the infirmary before I returned to the pack house.

"I see." Devika nodded and slightly tilted her head. "You look exhausted. You should take some rest."

"I will." Nodding, I watched her leave before I proceeded to the infirmary. I fluttered my eyelids. I wanted to take a bath, too, and remove what had loitered in my body. As soon as I arrived at my destination, I didn't waste any time and approached Doctor Kairos, our pack doctor.

"Oh, Gamma, how may I help you?" he asked, greeting me with a warm smile.

His fatherly tone and gentle question almost broke me. "I am in need of a potion of fertility control, Doctor Kairos."

He was about to write something that was on his clipboard, but halted in mid-air, his eyes looked surprised at my request. "Oh..."

I held my breath. I knew that reaction.

I knew why he was surprised. A royal soldier like me, who was devoted to celibacy before marriage, had come to ask our pack doctor for some fertility control. Not only that, no one knew that I had already met my mate, except for Lilith.

Suddenly thinking of my best friend made my stomach churn upside down.

"Alright," Doctor Kairos said with a smile.

I almost melted from the tension, but I was able to fix myself. "And I need some medicine for a hangover, too," I added, trying to calm myself down.

Don't panic, Euphyllia. Don't panic.

I waited if Doctor Kairos would question the things I asked for, but he just nodded and went to the medicine cabinet. "Grab some breakfast after you take these. Alright?" His lips curved into a gentle smile. "And take a rest and get a lukewarm bath."

The heat on my cheeks highlighted as I took them and nodded. It looked like he knew what I had up to. Or so I thought.

"T-Thank you," I muttered before I scurried out of the infirmary, not even daring to look back at anyone I knew.

I locked myself up in my room as soon as I arrived at the pack house and hastily took the potion for hangover that Doctor Kairos prescribed. And lastly, I stared at the vial of the fertility control in my hand.

I might have been inexperienced when it came to sexual intercourse, but I knew how to prevent pregnancy. I pressed my thighs together, feeling the mixed essence of mine and his. So, I knew that there was a probability I could get pregnant, and only the fertility control would prevent that.

This was a precaution. I nodded to my own thought.

As I drank it, the image of Commander Lucretius's sinful body came to my mind. I shut my eyes and slapped my face, punishing myself before going for a bath.

I scrubbed myself thoroughly to remove his scent that lingered on me. I felt dirty from doing it to another man. I couldn't believe that because of how drunk I was, I had become bolder and challenged a royal commander not in a sparring but in bed.

I could never forgive myself. I could never face Commander Lucretius ever again.

I could never face Redmund, too...

But the mere thought of my mate was enough to make my blood boil. The way he and Lilith betrayed me behind my back felt like something awakened inside me.

Tears cascaded down my cheeks. I couldn't believe that they would do this to me.

"Redmund... Why?" I cried out his name while washing myself.

I had done everything for him to help him become a captain six months ago, while our relationship had to be hidden, yet he would betray me like this. He had used me for his own benefit and never wanted me in the first place.

Now, I could understand that he only harbored power, the same pattern I experienced in my past lives. Sooner or later, he would discard me once he raised another of a higher rank.

As for my best friend, Lilith, I had trusted her. To think that she also harbored feelings for my mate, when Redmund wasn't her mate. I thought that we would grow old having our mates by our side as we promised, but why did she do this to me?

I looked at myself in the mirror that was hanging in the bathroom. I stared at my miserable self, observing my facial structure.

My eyes held a gray hue that shimmered with silver whenever sunlight touched them, a protruding nose, red, rosy lips, and a good, proportional face. In our pack, I was counted among the most beautiful, alongside Lilith. I was also a smart one and had an understanding of military tactical doctrine, even though I was just a tactical keeper.

What was wrong with me that Redmund couldn't be so proud of me to announce to the world about our relationship?

What did Lilith have that I didn't have that he'd rather be intimate with her than me?

Was it because I was in a low military rank position and wasn't one of the privates? Because my role wasn't combat-focused?

Was that it?

If that was it, Redmund should know that even if I didn't carry much in battlefield respect, in considering the difference of Lilith and my rank, my rank was above hers.

We were in the same rank in the pack, too. How come she was noticed while I had to beg him to spend some time with me?

What was I lacking? What else did Redmund want?

Or perhaps, was it because I couldn't give myself to him? That he had been trying to ask me to we should do the mating ritual without marking each other, but I just refused him.

I wanted to confront them, but I was too cowardly to do it, so I chose to turn my back instead. It was hard to digest what I saw, and I even had to pinch myself to see if I was having a nightmare, but the reality slapped me really hard.

I bit my lower lip so hard that I felt the tangy taste of metallic liquid in my tongue. I even had to wipe my tears that won't stop falling until my eyes focused on the loofah.

Commander Lucretius crossed in my mind, and our rendezvous night of ecstasy. Even though the alcohol influenced me, I could vividly remember what we did. I remember deciding that I wanted to forget.

Rage filled my blood from the realization. Perhaps, sleeping with Commander Lucretius wasn't so bad at all. If Redmund would betray me, then I could do the same thing to him. He wasn't the only one who could be another person who wasn't even their mate.

This might be a retaliation for the betrayal I witnessed, yet it felt so wrong and right at the same time. Perhaps, I must thank Commander Lucretius, but a simpleton like me would be hardly noticed by him.

"What do I do now?" I asked myself, feeling empty and exhausted from everything. 

It felt like I lost everything I had since yesterday. There were so many things that happened yesterday that I had a hard time processing.

Not only that, I still had mysteries I wanted to resolve.

My past lives...

The reality of reincarnation... 

I wanted to know why I had memories of them. Why did it trigger as soon as I saw the betrayal of my mate and my best friend? Why did I experience the same pain even in my past lives? 

Was the Moon Goddess trying to send me a message? Could this be a blessing or a curse? 

"Ah!" I screamed in agony as my face was buried in my pillow. "What should I do now, Moon Goddess?" My voice muffled, drowning in my own misery.