The prospect of a better life, a happier life, was dangled in front of my face and I had grabbed it with both hands.

And even though I feared the backlash from the kids on my council estate for attending a private school, I knew it couldn't be worse than the shit I had endured in the school I was leaving behind.

Besides, Claire Biggs and Lizzie Young, the two the girls I'd been friends with at primary school, would be in my class at Tommen College. The principal, Mr. Twomey, had assured me of that when my mother and I had met with him during the Christmas holidays to enroll.

Both Mam and Joey encouraged me with relentless support, with Mam taking extra cleaning shifts at the hospital to pay for my books and new uniform which included a blazer.

Before Tommen College, the only blazers I'd ever seen were the ones men wore at mass on a Sunday, never on teenagers, and now it would be part of my daily wardrobe.

Leaving the local secondary school in the middle of my junior cert year-an important exam year-had caused a huge rift in our family, with my father furious to be spending thousands of euros on an education that was free in the public school just down the road.

When I tried to explain to my father that school wasn't as easy for me as it was for his precious GAA-star son, he shut me down, refusing to hear me out and letting me know in no uncertain terms that he would not support me attending a glorified rugby prep school with a bunch of stuck-up, privileged clowns.

I could still recall the words "Get off your high horse, girl," and "'Tis far from rugby and prep schools you were reared," not to mention my favorite, "You'll never fit in with those cunts," coming out of my father's mouth.

I wanted to scream at him, You won't be paying for it! since Dad hadn't worked a day since I was seven-fending for the family was left to my mother-but I valued my ability to walk too much.

My father didn't get it, but then again, I had a feeling the man had never been subjected to bullying a day in his whole life. If there was bullying to be done, Teddy Lynch was the one doing it.

God knows he bullied Mam around enough.

Because of my father's outrage at my schooling, I had spent most of my winter break holed up in my bedroom and trying to stay out of his way.

Being the only girl in a family with five brothers, I had my own room. Joey had his own room, too, though his was much bigger than mine, having shared it with Darren until he moved out. Tadhg and Ollie shared another larger bedroom, with Sean and my parents residing in the largest of the bedrooms.

Even though it was only the box room at the front of the house, with barely any room to swing a cat, I appreciated the privacy that my own bedroom door-with a lock-gave me.

Contrary to the four bedrooms upstairs, our house was tiny, with a sitting room, kitchen, and one bathroom for the entire family. It was a semi-d, and situated at the edge of Elk's Terrace, the largest council estate in Ballylaggin.

The area was rough and riddled with crime, and I avoided it all by hiding in my room.

My tiny bedroom was my sanctuary in a house-and street-full of bustle and madness, but I knew it wouldn't last forever.

My privacy was on borrowed time because Mam was pregnant again.

If she had a girl, I would lose my sanctuary.

"Shan!" Banging erupted on the other side of the bathroom door, dragging me from my impervious thoughts. "Hurry up, will ya! I'm bursting for a piss."

"Two minutes, Joey," I called back, then continued my assessment of my appearance. "You can do this," I whispered to myself. "You can absolutely do this, Shannon."

The banging resumed so I hastily dried my hands on the towel hanging on the rack and unlocked the door, eyes landing on my brother, who was standing in nothing but a pair of black boxers, scratching his chest.

His eyes widened when he took in my appearance, the sleepy expression on his face turning alert and surprised. He was sporting a roaster of a black eye from the hurling match he'd played in at the weekend, but that didn't seem to worry a hair of his handsome head.

"You look..." My brother's voice trailed off as he gave me that brotherly appraisal. I braced myself for the jokes he would inevitably make at my expense, but they never came. "Lovely," he said instead, pale-green eyes warm and full of unspoken worry. "The uniform suits you, Shan."

"Do you think it'll be okay?" I kept my voice low so I didn't wake the rest of our family.

Mam had worked a double shift yesterday, and she and Dad were both sleeping. I could hear my father's loud snoring coming from behind their closed bedroom door, and the younger boys would have to be dragged from their mattresses later for school.

As per usual, it was just Joey and me.

The two amigos.

"Do you think I'll fit in, Joey?" I asked, voicing my concerns aloud. I could do that with Joey. He was the only one in our family I felt I could talk to and confide in. I looked down at my uniform and shrugged helplessly.

His eyes burned with unspoken emotion as he stared down at me, and I knew he was up this early not because he was desperate to use the bathroom, but because he wanted to see me off on my first day.

It was 6:15 in the morning.

Like Tommen College, BCS didn't start until 9:05 a.m., but I had a bus to catch and the only one passing through the area was at 6:45 a.m.

It was the first bus run of the day leaving Ballylaggin, but it was the only one that passed the school in time. Mam worked most mornings and Dad was still refusing to take me.

When I asked Dad about taking me to school last night, he had told me that if I'd get off my high horse and go back to Ballylaggin Community School like Joey and every other kid on our street, I wouldn't need a lift to school.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, Shan," Joey said in a voice that was thick with emotion. "You don't even realize how brave you are." Clearing his throat a couple of times, he added, "Hang on-I've got something for you." With that, he padded across the narrow landing and into his bedroom, returning less than a minute later. "Here," he muttered, fisting a couple of five-euro notes into my hand.

"Joey, no!" I immediately rebuffed the notion of taking his hard-earned money. He didn't make much at the petrol station to begin with, and money was hard to come by in our family, so taking ten euro from my brother was unimaginable. "I can't-"

"Take the money, Shannon. It's only a tenner," he instructed, giving me a no-nonsense expression. "I know Nanny gave you the bus money, but just have something in your pocket. I don't know how shit works in that place, but I don't want you going in there without a few quid."

I swallowed the lump of emotion fighting its way up my throat and squeezed out, "Are you sure?"

Joey nodded, then pulled me in for a hug. "You are going to be grand," he whispered in my ear, hugging me so tight I wasn't sure who he was trying to convince or console. "If someone gives you even the hint of shit, then you text me and I will come over there and burn that fucking school to the ground and every posh little rugby-head fucker in it."

That was a sobering thought.

"It's going to be fine," I said, this time putting some force into my voice, needing to believe the words. "But I'll be late if I don't get going, and that's so not what I need on my first day."

Giving my brother one last hug, I shrugged on my coat and grabbed my schoolbag, shouldering it onto my back before heading for the staircase.

"You text me," Joey called out when I was halfway down the steps. "I'm serious. One sniff of crap from anyone and I'll come sort it out for you."

"I can do this, Joey," I whispered, casting a quick glance at where he was leaning against the banister, watching me with concerned eyes. "I can."

"I know you can." His voice was low and pained. "I just... I'm here for you, okay?" he finished with a heavy exhale. "Always here for you."

This was hard for my brother, I realized, as I watched him wave me off to school like an anxious parent would their firstborn. He was always fighting my battles, always jumping in to defend me and pull me to safety.

I wanted him to be proud of me, to see me as more than a little girl that needed his constant protection.

I needed that for myself.

With renewed determination, I gave him a bright smile and then hurried out of the house to catch my bus.

2

Everything Has Changed

SHANNON

When I climbed off my bus, I was relieved to discover that the doors of Tommen College were opened to the students at seven in the morning, obviously to accommodate the different schedules of the boarders and day-walkers.

I hurried into the building to get out of the weather.

It was pouring rain outside, and in any other circumstance, I might consider it a bad omen, but this was Ireland where it rained an average of 150 to 225 days out of the year.

It was also early January, typical rain season.

I discovered that I wasn't the only early bird to arrive before school hours, noting several students already wandering through the halls and lounging in the lunch hall and common areas.

Yes, common areas.

Tommen College had what I could only describe as spacious living rooms for each year.

To my immense surprise, I discovered that I wasn't the immediate target for bullies like I had been in every other school I had attended.

Students whizzed past me, uninterested in my presence, clearly caught up in their own lives.

I waited, with my heart in my mouth, for a cruel comment or shove to come.

It didn't. Transferring halfway through the year from the neighboring public school, I had been expecting a tirade of fresh taunts and new enemies. But nothing happened. Aside from a couple of curious glances, nobody approached me. The students at Tommen either didn't know who I was-or didn't care. Either way, I was clearly off the radar in this school and I loved it.

Comforted by the sudden cloak of invisibility surrounding me, and feeling more positive than I had in months, I took the time to look around the third-year common area.

It was a large bright room with floor-to-ceiling windows on one side that looked onto a courtyard of buildings. Plaques and photographs of previous students adorned the lemon-painted walls. Plush couches and comfy chairs filled the large space, along with a few round tables and matching oak chairs. There was a small kitchenette area in the corner with a kettle, toaster, and microwave.

Holy crap. So, this was what the other side lived like. It was like a different world in Tommen College.

I could bring a few slices of bread and have tea and toast at school.

Feeling intimidated, I slipped out and wandered through every hall and corridor, trying to get my bearings.

Studying my timetable, I memorized where every building and wing that I would have a class in was.

I was feeling pretty confident by the time the bell went at eight fifty, signaling fifteen minutes before the start of the school day, and when I was greeted by a familiar voice, I came close to crying with sheer relief.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" a tall curvaceous blond with a smile the size of a football pitch squealed loudly, drawing my attention and everyone else's as she barreled through several groups of students in her bid to reach me.

I wasn't nearly prepared for the monster hug I was enveloped in when she reached me, even though I should have expected nothing less from Claire Biggs.

Being greeted by actual smiling, friendly faces instead of what I was used to was overwhelming for me.

"Shannon Lynch," Claire half giggled, half choked out, squeezing me tightly. "You're actually here!"

"I'm here," I agreed with a small laugh, patting her back as I tried and failed to free myself from her lung-crushing embrace. "But I won't be for much longer if you don't ease up on the squeezing."

"Oh, crap. Sorry." Claire laughed, immediately taking a step back and releasing me from her death hold. "I forgot you haven't grown since fourth class." She took another step back and looked me over. "Make that third class," she snickered, eyes dancing with mischief.

This wasn't a dig; it was an observation and a fact.

I was exceptionally small for my age, dwarfed even further by my friend's five-foot-nine frame.

She was tall, athletically built, and exceptionally beautiful. It wasn't a demure form of beauty, either. No, it shot out of her face like sunbeams.

Claire was simply dazzling with big puppy-dog brown eyes and ringlets of light-blond curls. She had a sunny disposition and a smile that could warm the coldest of hearts.

Even at four years old, I'd known this girl was different.

I could feel the kindness radiating out of her. I'd felt it as she stood in my corner for eight long years, defending me to her own detriment.

She knew the difference between right and wrong and was prepared to step in for anyone weaker than her.

She was a keeper.

We had drifted apart since going to separate secondary schools, but one look at her and I knew she was still the same old Claire.

"We can't all be beanpoles," I shot back good-naturedly, knowing her words were not meant to hurt me.

"God, I'm so glad you're here." She shook her head and smiled down at me. She did this adorable happy dance and then threw her arms around me once more. "I can't believe your parents finally did the right thing by you."

"Yeah," I replied, uncomfortable again. "Eventually."

"Shan, it won't be like that here." Claire's tone was serious now, eyes full of unspoken emotion. "All that shit you've suffered? It's in the past." She sighed again and I knew she was holding her tongue, refraining from saying everything she wanted to.

Claire knew. She witnessed how it was for me back in primary school. For some unknown reason, I was glad she hadn't seen how much worse it had gotten.

It was a humiliation I didn't want to feel anymore.

"I'm here for you," she continued to say, "and Lizzie, too-if she ever decides to drag her ass out of bed and actually come to school."

Smiling brightly, I banished my demons to the back of my mind and said, "Here's to a fresh start."

"Yes, girl!" Claire said with keen enthusiasm, fist-bumping me in the process. "A fresh start with the sunny side up."

The first half of the day went better than I could have ever anticipated. Claire introduced me to her friends, and while I couldn't remember the names of most of the people I had met, I was incredibly grateful to be included and, I dared say, accepted.

Inclusion wasn't something I was used to, and I found myself working hard to keep up with the constant flow of conversation and friendly questions aimed at me.

Spending as much time as I did in my own company made it difficult for me to integrate back into normal teenage society. Having people other than Joey and his friends that were willing to sit with me, talk to me, and walk with me at school was a mind-blowing experience.

When my other primary-school friend, Lizzie Young, eventually showed up to school halfway through the third class of the morning, blaming a dentist appointment for her absence, we immediately fell back into the familiar friendship we always had.

Lizzie rolled into school in a boy's school trousers and runners, uncaring of what anyone had to say about her appearance. She honestly didn't seem to care what people thought. She dressed according to her mood and projected vibes the same way. She could show up tomorrow in a skirt and with a full face of makeup. She did what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it, unaware and uncaring of anyone else's opinion.

She oozed a lazy sort of confidence with her long dark-blond swishing ponytail and makeup-free face, emphasizing those big blue eyes of hers.

I also noted all through our classes that Lizzie received plenty of male attention regardless of the baggy trousers and messy hair she was sporting, proving the point that you don't need to strip down and paint your face to attract the opposite sex.

A genuine smile and a nice personality went a long way.