Laughter bubbled in my throat when her words registered in my head. "Hannah, what on earth would I need this for? Put it away before someone walks in and assumes the same thing." I dropped the packet on the bench between us like it had burned my hand. "I'm not kidding Myra. I know you wish I am, but I'm not. You've been sick for nearly a month, you stopped eating mango flavored chips even though they're your second favorite food in the whole world, and your body, it's changing..."

"Jesus Christ Hannah, slow down with the sex talk. I'm not pregnant, okay? I can't be. We've used protection every time we had sex."

"Every time?"

"Yes!" I yelled and moved further away from her. The last thing both of us wanted was a child. I had an experience being raised in a dysfunctional family, and I would not do that to a kid. Plus my career had just started, what part of my life would a kid fit in. Pierce...well Pierce was Pierce. A kid out of wedlock was not up on his bingo cards. We were careful. Very careful.

Except... at the premier of Gossip And Dreams, he had bent me over in his private booth and fucked me senseless.

I froze. No. it happened one time. That wasn't enough. Even as I argued, I knew I was wrong. It dawned on me that I could not recall my last period. Hadn't even thought of the thing since I was so busy with work.

"You don't look too confident." Hannah said sympathetically and stretched the box out for me again. "Just get it over with. I might be wrong and this will be some funny misunderstanding to look back on."

"Or you could be right, and I'll be hot water."

"Only one way to find out." She nudged me toward the bathroom after I had taken the packet reluctantly. When I was locked securely in one of the stalls, with Hannah guarding my stall, I peed on the first one and waited for it to react.

"What's happening in there Myra, I hope you don't plan on pouring water on the kit!"

Now why hadn't I thought of that? "I'm just waiting for the results to come in." I yelled back through the door.

"Its five minutes, it should be done by now."

"Chill for chrissakes" I muttered under my breath and got up from the toilet seat to look at it in the sink. Two red lines glared back from the strip.

"What does it say...Myra? What does the test say?" she wriggled the handle of the door.

"Give me a minute H, it's faulty-let me try it again." I squeaked.

"Oh Myra." She sighed, but waited till I repeated the test again, and again, and one more time for good measure. They all came back the same. Positive. "You can't spend the rest of your day in there; you have to come out at some point." I opened the door, looking white as a sheet.

"It was one time." I said, walking past her in a daze. I was really pregnant. "We've always been safe." Was this some kind of punishment from the universe?

"Shit like this happens all the time babe, don't beat yourself up about it. And hey! If Pierce accepts the pregnancy, your life will be on easy street. Look how much traffic your career has gotten in two years. The rumors about you two gave more popularity to gossip and dreams-and I'm sure you've enjoyed the times you spent with him."

I stopped pacing, thinking about how he helped save my mother, even though he didn't know. He just handed me money after I asked, no questions about what I wanted it for. That was how it had always been. He didn't know me. He never asked questions about my life outside of work, that was all there ever was to our relationship and now I was pregnant.

"Hannah, he doesn't want a child."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Look at the man!"

She pulled me down onto the bench beside her while my mind raced. If I learnt about this child that morning I would feel differently right now. If SHE didn't enter the picture I would have a strong believe that somehow Pierce and I would work things out, that I could convince him to accept the child-to see me as more than a secret affair. Her arrival filled me with so much doubt now.

"I don't know what to do, Hannah. I can't be pregnant." I said, fear creeping into my voice. "I don't know the first thing about taking care of a child, I have my mum and sister to care for, this'll be an extra mouth to feed. How do I keep it a secret from Pierce?"

"Relax love. You're serious about not telling him?"

"I-I can't." Not yet. Not till I was sure that he still wanted me in his life. My voice lowered to a whisper, "what if he asks me to get rid of it?"

"Don't let your mind fly Myra, I think you should tell him. But for now, go for an actual test, determine how far along you are with the pregnancy and the health of the baby, deal with that problem first. I would come with you for moral support, but I need to speak with Lindsay and her team, and I don't want you delaying this any further." She said as she stroked my arm.

"That's okay. I'll let you know how it goes" I said quietly. All I could think of was the fact that I had a mini Pierce growing in me. Hannah wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

"You got this."

* * *

It did not feel like I had anything when I was spread out on the table, getting a physical exam from my gynecologist. Or when she told me that I would get the gestational age of my baby the following week when they compile my blood test and ultrasound. There was no 'oh you're not pregnant' or 'sweetheart, it's just your hormones.' No, I was really carrying a child. Pierce's child.

While my doctor spoke to me, I could not help the excitement that bubbled deep within my chest. I was pregnant! I had a little one growing in my tummy and it was mine. Correction, mine and Pierce's. I imagined a world where he would be excited to hear the news. Where he would plant kisses all over my face and spin me around. A child could be a good thing...Maybe it was the catalyst Pierce needed to see that he loved me.

The doctor returned my dazed smile, and told me congratulations before he led me out of her office.

As I walked out of the OB-GYN I fired a call to Hannah. She picked on the first ring.

 "So?"

"The results will be in by next week, I was told I would get a call when they're ready."

"How are you feeling?" she sounded like she was having a meal.

 "Scared...confused...bursting with joy?" I would have added more words to describe my mushy feelings, but the words died in my mouth when I spotted Pierce a few steps away, with a blonde woman clinging to his hand as a doctor spoke to them.

Every emotion that battled for the frontline a second ago all trickled into one. My heart thumped in my chest as I watched Pierce speak with the doctor while she played with the edge of his suit.

 I began to feel lightheaded and took a step backwards. The simple movement seemed to draw Pierce attention because he turned and looked straight at me. I searched his eyes for...guilt? Pleasure? Any emotion that would let me know where we stood. The woman turned to him, then me, and soon, she was tugging Pierce towards me.

 I stood frozen, like a deer in headlights as the pair approached me, the doctor, forgotten.

 This was a good thing. Pierce would introduce us and later in life, we could laugh about how much I was panicking now.

 As they stopped directly opposite me, I peeled my eyes from Pierce and smiled at her.

 The first thing I noticed was how similar we both looked. It wasn't like we looked like twins, but the similarity was obvious enough to make me uncomfortable.

I knew from the beginning why Pierce noticed me, and I told myself over and over that was understandable.

Yet standing in front of the two of them today still made me feel like a cheap knockoff, although she had a look of innocence I could never attain.

I was sure my life had been very different from hers.

My smile faltered at the mischievous glint in her eye. I looked back up at Pierce, who didn't seem like he wanted to speak at the moment.

"Hey," I said brightly, "surprised to see you here."

"I couldn't agree more." He answered grimly. I heard the silent question in his voice and gave a quick lie.

"I'm here with Hannah. She had uhh... fever and I'm tagging along." He looked at the part of the hospital behind me and back at me. I glanced at her and back up at him, giving the same questioning look.

"Pookie bear, won't you introduce me to your friend?" She said in a whiny voice while looking at him adoringly. Pierce's eyes pulled away from mine immediately the words came out of her mouth and my gut wrenched.

Pierce hated nicknames. The first time I had done it, he laughed in my face. The next time I did he snapped at me. "Pookie bear." I murmured under my breath and his eyes seemed to flame.

"This is Myra." Not Myra, my girlfriend or friend, even acquaintance. I was just Myra today.

I smiled lamely at him even though my eyes seemed to plead. I needed more than that. 'Please assure me that she's nothing' I thought.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mira."

"Myra." I corrected,

"Yeah. That's what I said." She glanced at Pierce  with a confused look. "Anyway, I'm Tami. You've probably heard all about me from the news. They were so quick with it!" She laughed while my eyes focused on her hand on his bicep. Friends held each other like that all the time. "People like us don't get to enjoy a moment alone do we? You might understand a bit, since you're an actress."

I nodded, not trusting my voice to sound right.   

"How long have you known my pookie bear?" She continued.

"A while," I replied, forcing a smile on my face. "I hear you and Mr. Blackwood have been friends for even longer?" I led, this was a chance for him to end my fears, or crush my heart. Pierce remained silent.

Tami laughed, "Oh me and him go way back. We were highschool sweethearts. First love and all that, but then we lost contact for a while because I had to go overseas."

"And now you're back, what's the next step?"

"You know how things are. I can't begin to describe how excited I am to be here with him again. I hope we can go back to how things were before I left." She smiled lovingly at him. Her words sliced through me, extinguishing the last flicker of hope.

"Congratulations are in order then." I managed, my voice steady, but barely.

"Tami, we need to leave." Pierce demanded, glancing at the watch on his wrist. He looked at me again. "See you soon."

"Yeah." I croaked and cleared my throat. I knew what was next. Pierce in his business man manner would end our relationship. Cold, like what we had meant absolutely nothing to him. My legs trembled beneath me, threatening to give way.

"Oh! pookie, I think I left my bracelet in the room, can you get it for me." She asked sweetly. Pierced forced his eyes away from me and looked down at her. "Don't worry, I'll be fine waiting here. Nobody's going to steal me." She flirted.

He sighed and brushed past me, and I fought the urge to follow him with my eyes.

"Must be hard for you, isn't it?" Tami said when he was gone. Her warm smile had been replaced by a knowing smirk. She looked me up and down. "He tried so hard to replicate the real thing, it's impressive." Color stained my cheeks, and my mouth seemed to lose its function. "Well thanks for filling in for me while I was gone, I bet you kept him entertained. But I'm back now, and your services are no longer needed."

"I am not a threat to you Tami." I stammered, still in shock at the change I witnessed. "My relationship with Pierce is different from what you have with him." and it was ending now. She had nothing to worry about. My heart ached.

"I don't feel threatened by you or anyone in the city. None of you stand a chance." she crossed her arms. "Which is why I called the paparazzi, it's a public announcement that Pierce is mine and nobody else's." Her face turned into a mask of honey again.

"But I wish you the best in your career. I hope you make a big hit one day." She smiled sweetly as Pierce returned to her side.

"There was no bracelet in the room Tami, how important was it to you?" he asked concerned. "I could have them do a thorough search for it." In our two years together I had never seen this side of Pierce.

"You're so loving, pookie, but it's okay." She looked straight at me. "It's kinda worthless anyway."

Just as she turned he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. "We have to talk, Myra, I'll get to you when I can:"

"Come on Pookie, I'm tired of standing here." She grumbled. Pierce spared a look at the ward I had come from before he spun on his heels and led Tami away.

My cheeks burned in humiliation. Tami's and Sarah's words played over and over again after I left the hospital. But now I was sure of one thing. I would never tell Pierce about my baby.

When I returned back to the apartment that Pierce had rented for me at the start of our contract relationship, I curled up in a chair to watched the city go by.

When I agreed to date him, I didn't think I would fall in love this hard. I didn't think I wanted him to either. We belonged to different worlds.    

Yet, here I was, a heart broken mess for a man that didn't think I was important enough to get a little warning on the end of our relationship. He could've told me she was coming back. Give me enough time to prepare myself for this heartbreak.

Oh, who was I kidding. Nothing could prepare me to leave Pierce. My eyes filled with tears and I let them fall in the privacy of my home.

Despite my pain, I felt an overwhelming sense of longing for him. I left my perch on the chair and collapsed into my bed, wrapping myself around a pillow. There, I inhaled the warm woodsy smell I associated with him.

Funny how I was still trying to find comfort from a man who regarded me as less than. God, I loved him. So much that it hurt. I knew it would feel worse to have him tear our relationship to shreds. Would I be able to bear it without telling him that I loved him? Confessing my love to him would make me even more pathetic.

My heart felt like it had been broken into tiny pieces in those few hours.

As far as I knew, I had two options; wait for Pierce to pay me a visit, and watch as he broke the news of the end of our relationship, or the second option. Save us both the hassle of a face to face meeting. No matter which option it was, the call Pierce promised never came.

My fingers hovered over my screen after I typed his name out. Saying goodbye to Pierce was not an easy feat to accomplish, yet this was the only way to go. Or was I supposed to ask him for an explanation? Beg him to not leave me? Just to further humiliate myself?

I couldn't fool myself anymore.

I wished I could wave a hand and make everything right for the three of us. I placed my hand on my flat stomach and sighed. I hated myself for all the times I let myself dream of a perfect life with Pierce. The life we could have with the child I was carrying if only he gave us a chance.

Maybe it was best if we didn't end things. I could wait for him to show up, we would talk it out and come to an agreement. I could not erase Pierce from my life completely. Even if I tried, and with the baby, and my finances...why did things have to get so complicated?

I had to be brave. If not for me, then for the child I carried. They deserved to have a life filled with love and staying with Pierce would create a rift in its life.

With shaky fingers I typed out the rest of my text and hit send before I gave myself a chance to overanalyze or change my mind about ending things, and then I blocked his line.

It felt like I was mourning the loss of a family member as I hurriedly shoved my clothes into suitcases stopping a few times as my sobs wracked my body. But even when all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and let my emotions loose, I kept on with my task. I did not want Pierce or his PA showing up at the apartment before I had time to leave.

A majority of my clothes were fanciful dresses and designer shoes that he had gifted me throughout the time we were together. Now when I looked at dresses that he peeled off me, I felt nothing but pain.

I picked up the glass figurine he had gotten me from Paris, portraying a blonde woman with clothes flying in the wind. When he had given me the six inch statue, he told me that it had reminded him of me. My heart had soared at the thoughtful gift when he had given it to me all those months ago. Now I realized that when he said it reminded him of me, it wasn't really me. It was Tami.

I placed it gingerly on the entry table when I was ready to leave. He could give it to the real owner, Tami. Along with the apartment. I wanted to get away from it. From everything that reminded me of romantic cuddles on the nights he overstayed, or compliments thrown out at random, the sex...I needed EVERYTHING concerning Pierce erased from my life.

It was ironic that the memories I was now trying to get away from were the things that gave me hope that Pierce and I could be better, become something more. In my blind love and naivety, I overlooked the fact that we only ever met intimately in this apartment. I had never been to his real home, nor did I know anything about his personal life other than the scraps he would throw me. All this time the focus had been keeping me a secret. The rumors flew but that was all they were.

All I was.

 Even though I was sure my mind was made up, I hesitated at the doorway waiting. For what? For Pierce to pop out of the elevator and order me me in after declaring love to me or... atleast tell me that I still mattered. But I knew he wasn't coming. Tami had him wrapped around her finger. I shut the door with a final thud, the sound chipping further at my heart.

* * *

I was shaken out of my numb state by the cab driver. "We've reached ma'am" he said, sounding irritated.

I looked outside to find the stairs that led to the small apartment my family called home. I thanked him after he helped me get my things out of his car, and paid him, adding a generous tip.    

I hesitated briefly in front of the apartment before I knocked. Lily answered, brightening when she saw it was me. The warm hug that enveloped me, made me feel safer. Loved. "Hey little sis" I said fondly, into her hair.

It reeked of medicine and cleaning products. I felt guilt for not visiting often. The money I sent did not make up for my presence.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her brows furrowing as she took in my face.

"I think I'm coming down with a cold." I lied, forcing a smile into my weary-looking face. I followed quietly behind her into the kitchen and dumped my bags.

"Don't be mad at me." she started, putting on her best regretful face. I did not look forward to whatever she was going to say but at least I was sitting. "We had a hike in rent a while back, and I didn't want to tell you about it, because I didn't want you to worry too much. So things aren't as rosy as I made you believe."

"So what you're saying is, you're back to living hand to mouth again?" I rubbed my eyes wearily. "You should have told me, Lily. I would have sent more money or something-"

"I didn't want you stressing about us. Mom did not want me telling you either. You should not be stuck constantly worrying about our well being" She defended.

"That's the dumbest thing you've said. It's not for you to decide what I worry about or not." And mom wasn't the best person to follow advice from, given her state. I led the way to mom's room but found her asleep, with her nurse, Samantha by the bed, reading a book.

"Myra!" She whisper-yelled when she spotted me, and rose gingerly from her seat to join us. We all strolled back to the kitchen.

"How is she doing?"

"Could be better honestly. Her episodes are getting more frequent." She glanced at Lily. "I already told Lily that I think it would be good if she was moved to a long term facility."

Lily huffed, "You promised you wouldn't mention that, she just came home! Look Myra, mum is perfectly fine where she is, she just needs better meds."

"Every time we've upgraded her meds, her body adapts to it shortly after, and then she gets even worse. She would do better in a hospice."

This time I could not help but side with Lily and her fears. "Her care won't be personal in a hospice, she'll just be one of the heads out of many." I argued.

"not to mention they won't be able to notice the changes that we do, they don't know her well enough." Lily continued.

Samantha sighed then grabbed onto my hand and pulled me to her, "I promise you, your mother will be well cared for, and this isn't just about her, it's about your sister. She's holed up in here all the time, don't you want the burden of taking care of your mum to be lifted from her shoulders?" I glanced at Lily who was now staring daggers at Sam. For all her feistiness, she couldn't hurt a fly even if she tried. It pained me to think her entire life was wrapped around our mother.

I frowned, resigned. "Okay, we'll do it."

"Myra!"

"Not a word from you, I'm still mad you kept all this away from me."

She chewed on her lips, guilt written across her face. "There's actually more." Oh God "He's getting out of jail next month."

The words forced me back into the past: his menacing glare. The suffocating presence, silent sobs. My hands over my sister's eyes to hide her from his yellow toothed smile as he pummeled our mother.

My chest constricted and the urge to run filled me. I stayed frozen in my seat though, having a crazed fear that any sudden movement would summon him.

Sam left the room, before I was able to speak. "How did you know?"

"We got a call from their correctional facility,  they said he would be getting out next month on good behavior."

"Can't they tell it's just an act, that man is a narcissistic son of a bitch, he could hurt us, Lily." I explained like she didn't already know. We had moved states just to make it harder for him to find us. And if he found out about what we did... "We have to move." I said urgently.

We needed money. I had enough money saved to cover my mother's medical bills for a few months if things didn't go haywire but It would take a miracle to solve all our problems at this rate. It felt worse not having Pierce by my side, This was the loneliest I had felt in years.  Maybe I had made a mistake leaving.