He Chases Mountains and Seas, I Keep the Quiet and the Love

1: 1

When I was three months pregnant, my husband was busy talking to the baby.

"You're going to grow up just like your Aunt Marina. Smart, brave, out on the slopes, off seeing the world all on your own."

My smile stiffened for a second. I asked, on purpose,

"So if Marina Henson and I both fell into the sea, who would you save?"

Thomas James didn't even stop to think.

"You, of course."

Warmth had barely stirred in my chest when he added, smiling,

"Marina can swim, and she's won surfing titles. Why would she ever need saving?"

Right then, a photo of Marina popped up in our group of three.

She'd just finished a trip to Antarctica, standing in front of a glacier, laughing into the wind.

Thomas snatched up his phone at once and typed a careful reply.

【You really do live the good life.】

【Once the baby's born, I'll come skydiving with you.】

When the screen went dark, I saw myself reflected in it.

A pale face, feet swollen under the loose maternity dress, stretch marks all over my belly and waist.

For this family I'd quit my job, given up every friend I had, until my life was nothing but prenatal checkups and shopping for baby things.

But what Thomas admired had always been someone like Marina, free and dazzling.

I didn't cry, and I didn't ask again.

I only lowered my head and touched my belly, and suddenly I knew, clearly.

This marriage of mine and Thomas's had already reached its end.

1

Only after Thomas finished replying did he notice I hadn't said a word.

He set the phone down and pressed his hand back to my belly.

"What's wrong?"

"Are you really sulking over one little line?"

I didn't answer.

He laughed and pinched my cheek.

"You're not like Marina."

"She can't sit still. She's meant to go out and take on the world. You're steady. You can take good care of a home. That's a strength too."

He said it like it was the most obvious thing, but the words went into me like sharp thorns.

The phone buzzed again.

In the group, Marina said she'd cut her trip short and would be home tonight.

Thomas replied at once.

【Come eat at our place. Let me throw you a welcome dinner.】

Only after sending it did he look up at me.

"Marina's been in Antarctica over a month. She definitely won't be able to stomach restaurant food."

"Make a few dishes she likes tonight, and put on a pot of beef stew too."

My stomach churned.

Ever since I got pregnant I couldn't stand the smell of cooking oil. I'd been throwing up for a whole month.

"Can we just eat out?"

"I'm not feeling well today."

The smile on Thomas's face faded a little.

"She sat on a plane for over twenty hours straight and didn't once complain about being tired."

"You're only three months along. How is it that every single day you're either dizzy or about to throw up?"

"Even the doctor said pregnant women can't just lie around. A bit of housework is good for you."

With that, he lowered his head and went back to chatting with Marina.

That afternoon, I forced down the nausea and went to the kitchen.

The glazed pork ribs had barely hit the pan when the oily smoke hit my face, and I clamped a hand over my mouth and rushed to the bathroom.

There was nothing in my stomach.

I hunched over the toilet, dry-heaving for a long time, until the tears were wrung out of me.

Thomas passed by the doorway and stopped for only a couple of seconds.

"You okay?"

Before I could speak, his phone rang.

Marina was already downstairs.

Thomas turned on his heel at once.

"Rinse your mouth when you're done. I'm going down to get her."

After the door shut, I knelt alone on the cold tile.

And suddenly I remembered the day the test came back positive.

Thomas had held that report and stared at it for a long time.

A man who was always so calm, and yet the rims of his eyes slowly went red.

He crouched down and kissed my belly, his voice trembling.

"Carrie Pruitt, quit the job at the bank."

"You leave early, come home late, and deal with all those clients. I can't stop worrying."

"From now on you just focus on the baby. I can support you and the child."

I hated to give up that job. I'd done it for six years.

But he said we'd only have this one child, and a job could always be found again later.

He said he'd never let me suffer, not for a moment.

I believed him.

Yet less than two months after I quit, in his mouth I'd become a woman who did nothing but lie around all day, who wouldn't even make a single meal.

The cold of the floor spread across my skin.

I raised a hand and wiped away the tears that had covered my whole face without my noticing.

I sent a message to a lawyer.

【I'm sorry to trouble you. Could you help me draw up a set of divorce papers.】