LAILA

I woke up with my face stuck to my pillow.

During the night, the cut on my cheek had bled a little.

When I sat up, it hurt really bad. I looked in the mirror above my dresser and the purple bruise was darker now.

It covered half of my face. My lip was swollen too but I  didn't remember Damien hitting my lip or maybe he did when I wasn't paying attention.

"Laila!" Damien's voice came from downstairs. He sounded angry already, and it wasn't even breakfast time yet.

"Get down here now!" My stomach felt sick. I was scared of what he wanted but I had to go.

If I didn't come when he called, he would get even madder.

I put on a long-sleeved shirt to hide the finger marks on my arms. Then I tried to brush my hair over my face to hide the bruise although it didn't work very well.

I walked downstairs slowly. Each step made me more scared.

Damien was sitting at the kitchen table. He had a cup of coffee and was reading something on his phone. When he saw me, his face got mean.

"You look terrible," he spat. "How am I supposed to take you anywhere looking like that?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Sorry doesn't fix your ugly face." Damien stood up and walked over to me. He grabbed my chin hard and turned my head to look at the bruise.

"This is your fault, you know. If you weren't so stupid, I wouldn't have to teach you lessons." His fingers pressed into the bruise. I tried not to cry out, but a small sob escaped.

"Does it hurt?" Damien asked. He sounded happy about it.

"A little," I admitted.

"Good. Maybe now you'll remember to behave better." He let go of my face and pushed me backward.

I stumbled and hit the counter with my hip.

"Make me breakfast and don't burn it this time, or you'll get worse than a bruised face."

I nodded quickly and went to the stove. My hands were shaking as I got out eggs and bacon.

I was always nervous when I cooked for Damien because he got angry about everything.

"The pack meeting is today," Damien said, sitting back down. "Hou're not coming."

I looked at him in surprise. "But all the mates come to pack meetings."

"All the mates who can actually shift into wolves," Damien growled. "You're just going to embarrass me again. Like you did yesterday."

My heart felt heavy. I loved pack meetings. They were the only time I got to see other people and feel like I belonged somewhere.

"Please," I said softly. "I promise I won't embarrass you."

Damien laughed. "You embarrass me just by breathing, so you're staying home. Maybe if you're alone all day, you'll figure out how to finally shift into your wolf form."

I turned back to the eggs so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. I had tried so hard to shift.

Every night, I went into the woods and concentrated until my head hurt but nothing ever happened.

"And another thing," Damien said. "If anyone asks about your face, you tell them you fell down the stairs. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"What was that? I can't hear you."

"Yes, I understand," I said louder.

"Good. And Laila?" Damien's said calmly. "If you ever tell anyone what really happened, especially about Alpha Blackthorne showing up, I will make sure you regret it for the rest of your very short life."

I felt cold all over. I knew Damien meant it. He had hurt me before, but the way he said it made me think he might do something much worse.

"I won't tell anyone," I promised.

"You better not." Damien came up behind me while I was cooking. He put his hands on my shoulders and pressed down hard.

"You belong to me, Laila. No one else will ever want a broken wolf like you. I'm the only one who puts up with your uselessness."

I wanted to say that I deserved to be treated nice especially by my mate, I was supposed to be special to my mate but I couldn't tell Damien that.

"I know," I said instead.

"Do you? because last night, you seemed pretty interested in that Alpha." Damien's hands moved to my neck. Not squeezing, but I could feel how strong his hands were.

"Were you thinking about running away with him?"

"No!" I said quickly. "I would never-"

"Because if you ever try to leave me," Damien whispered in my ear, "I will find you and I will make you sorry you were ever born."

My hands trembled. The eggs in the pan began to burn because I couldn't focus on cooking anymore.

"Look what you did!" Damien yelled and spun me around. "You ruined breakfast!"

"I can make more-"

"No!" Damien pushed me hard. I fell backward and hit the floor. My head hit the cabinet with a loud thud.

"You can't do anything right!" He yelled as I  lay on the floor, scared to move.

My head was pounding where it hit the cabinet. Damien stood over me, and for a second, I thought he might kick me.

Instead, he grabbed his coffee cup and threw the hot coffee at me. It splashed on my arms and chest. I screamed.

"Clean up this mess," Damien said. "And don't you dare leave this house today. If I find out you went anywhere, you'll regret it."

Then he walked out of the kitchen. I heard the front door slam a few minutes later.

I lay on the floor for a long time, crying. My arms hurt from the hot coffee. My head hurt from hitting the cabinet. My heart hurt from everything else.

Finally, I got up and cleaned the kitchen. I threw away the burned eggs and wiped up the coffee.

I changed into a different shirt because the coffee had stained the one I was wearing then I sat at the kitchen table and cried some more.

I thought about what Alpha Kieran had said last night. "A true mate would never hurt you, little wolf." but he was wrong. Maybe this was what mates did. Maybe I really was broken, and this was the only kind of love I deserved.

I touched the bruise on my face gently. It was getting more purple and swollen.

"You're so stupid, Laila," I said to myself again. "This is all your fault." but deep inside, a tiny voice said something different.

It said that the Alpha with the silver eyes had been right. It said that maybe I didn't deserve to be hurt. I tried to make that voice go away. It was dangerous to think like that.

If I started believing I deserved better, I might do something that would make Damien even angrier but the voice wouldn't go away completely.

It stayed there, tiny but strong, like a small light in a very dark room and even though I was scared, part of me was glad it was there.

I spent the rest of the morning alone in the house, thinking about silver eyes and wondering what it would be like to have someone call me "little wolf" in a kind voice every day.

Then I remembered Damien's threat and I pushed those thoughts away. I had to be more careful. I had to be a better mate. If I was a better mate, Damien would treat me better for sure. 

What if he still wouldn't? The tiny voice in my head was back.

"A true mate would never hurt you, little wolf" the voice echoed Alpha Kieran's words.

I wonder how Alpha Kieran would treat his own mate. I'm sure he'd never hit her or yell at her or..

I have to stop thinking about Alpha Kieran. I have a mate and he probably has one too.

I shouldn't be dreaming about things that aren't mine, things I can't have.

What if you could? The tiny voice whispered.

LAILA

I sat in my room all afternoon, staring out the window. I could see other pack members walking around outside. They looked happy, normal. I wish I could be like them.

My stomach growled loudly. I hadn't eaten anything all day because I was too scared to go back to the kitchen.

What if I made another mess? What if Damien came home and found me doing something wrong?

I touched my bruised face again. It was getting worse because I've not been able to heal properly for a while now. It felt like my strength and healing ability was being drained away.

Soon everyone would see it and know what happened but I would have to lie and say I fell down the stairs, just like Damien told me to.

As the sun got lower in the sky, I started thinking about three months ago. That was when I first met Damien. Back then, I thought he was wonderful.

-Flashback of Two years ago-

I remember standing at the edge of the dance floor at the Spring Moon Festival.

All the young wolves who didn't have mates yet were supposed to dance and meet each other but I was too shy and scared.

"You should dance," my friend Sarah had said. "Maybe you'll find your mate tonight!"

I shook my head. "No one would want to dance with me. I can't even shift into my wolf form yet."

"That doesn't matter," Sarah said kindly. "The right person will love you just the way you are."

I didn't believe her, but I smiled anyway and that's when I saw him. Damien was the most handsome boy at the whole festival.

He had thick brown hair and warm brown eyes. He was tall and strong, and when he smiled, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

He was dancing with different girls and they all looked so happy to be with him. I wished I was brave enough to dance too, but I just watched from far away.

As I was thinking about my inability to shift, Damien looked across the room and we stared at each other. My heart was beating so fast. He stopped dancing and walked straight toward me.

"Hi," he said, and his voice was like music. "I'm Damien."

"I-I know," I stuttered. "I'm Laila."

"Laila," he repeated, like my name was something beautiful.

"That's a pretty name for a pretty girl." He whispered and I felt my face get red. No one had ever called me pretty before.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked, holding out his hand.

I looked at his hand, then at his kind face. "I'm not a very good dancer," I warned him before placing my hand in his.

"That's okay," Damien said with a big smile. "I'll teach you."

We danced for hours. Damien was patient when I stepped on his feet.

He laughed in a nice way when I got confused about which way to turn. He made me feel special and wanted.

When the music stopped, we sat outside under the stars."I have to tell you something," Damien said, looking serious.My heart jumped.

"What?"

"I think... I think you might be my mate," he said softly.I felt like I was flying.

"Really?"

"Really. I felt something special when I first saw you. Like my heart recognized you."

Damien took my hand gently. "Did you feel it too?" I nodded. I had felt something, like a warm glow in my chest.

"But are you sure? I can't shift yet. I might be broken."

"You're not broken," Damien said firmly. "You're perfect. Your wolf will come when she's ready. And even if she never comes, I would still want you."

Tears of happiness filled my eyes. "I can't believe someone like you would want someone like me."

"Someone like me?" Damien asked.

"You're so handsome and the next Beta of our pack. You could have any girl you want."

Damien cupped my face in his hands, so gently. "But I don't want any other girl. I want you, Laila. Only you."

Then he kissed me, soft and sweet under the moonlight. It was my first kiss, and it was perfect.

"I'll take care of you," Damien whispered against my lips. "I'll protect you and love you forever. You never have to worry about anything again."

I believed him. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world during our mating and coronation ceremony.

-End of Flashback of two years ago-

Now I sat in my room with a bruised face and coffee burns on my arms, wondering what happened to that kind, gentle boy who had danced with me under the stars.

When did his sweet words turn mean? When did his gentle touches turn into hits? When did his promise to protect me turn into threats?

I tried to remember when things changed, but it was hard.

It happened slowly, like how the sun goes down a little bit each day until suddenly it's dark.

At first, Damien was still nice most of the time but sometimes he would get frustrated with me for small things.

He would say things like, "Why can't you try harder to shift?" or "Other mates don't have this problem."

I thought he was just worried about me. I thought he wanted to help but then the criticism got worse.

He started calling me lazy and stupid when I couldn't shift. He said I was embarrassing him in front of his friends.

He said I needed to try harder to be a good mate. I tried so hard to make him happy. I cooked his favorite foods. I cleaned our house until it sparkled.

I practiced shifting every night until I collapsed from exhaustion but nothing I did was ever good enough. The first time he hit me was close to a year ago.

I had burned his dinner because I was so tired from practicing my shifting all night. He slapped me across the face and said it was my fault for being careless.

Afterward, he cried and said he was sorry. He said he loved me so much that it made him crazy when I messed up. He bought me flowers and promised never to hurt me again.

But he did hurt me again and again and each time, he said it was because he loved me.

He said if I was a better mate, he wouldn't have to discipline me. Soon, I started to believe him.

Maybe this was what love looked like. Maybe I really was lucky that someone like Damien wanted someone like me, even if I was broken.

Then I remembered what Alpha Kieran had said last night.

"A true mate would never hurt you, little wolf."

Could that be true? Were there really mates out there who never hit or yelled or said mean things?

I thought about how Damien used to be. Sweet and gentle and kind. That boy felt like a dream now. Like someone I made up in my head.

My stomach growled again, reminding me that I still hadn't eaten. I was scared to go downstairs, but I was so hungry it hurt.

I crept down to the kitchen quietly. I made a small sandwich and ate it quickly, afraid Damien might come home and find me eating without permission.

As I washed my plate, I looked out the window toward the forest. Somewhere out there was the place where the Alpha with silver eyes had saved me from Damien's anger.

I wondered if he was still in our territory. I wondered if he ever thought about the scared girl he helped by the river.

Probably not.

He was important and powerful. I was just a broken wolf who couldn't even shift but still, I found myself wishing I could see those kind silver eyes again.

Just once and somehow I'd be fine. I didn't even know why I thought that way, I just did.

I finished cleaning and went back to my room, tended my wounds as I listened to the voices of the pack members at the pack house as they drifted in the wind.

As I lay in bed that night, I thought about the boy who used to dance with me under the stars, and I wondered if I would ever find my way back to that feeling of being loved and protected.

The tiny voice inside me whispered:

"Maybe that wasn't real love at all."

For the first time I didn't try to make it go away.

LAILA

The next morning, I woke up feeling a little braver. The tiny voice inside me had grown a little stronger overnight. Maybe I didn't have to be so scared all the time.

I decided to surprise Damien with his favorite breakfast when he came home from the pack meeting. Maybe if I was really nice to him, he would be nice to me too.

I dialed his phone and it rang for a couple of times before he picked up the call.

"What?" He said when he answered the phone.

"G..good morning Damien, uhm when are you getting home?"

"Wow, so you're asking me questions about my whereabouts now?"

Oh no he was angry now.

"N..no Damien I..I just wanted to cook something special f..for you"

"Something special, your special burnt food?" He laughed and I heard someone laugh at the background.

"I.. I'm sorry"

"Well, I'm still busy with pack duties so I won't be back till dinner. You better make sure not to burn the food and if you do, make sure to burn yourself along with it. Did I make myself clear?" He yelled

"Y..yes"

"What's that?" He growled.

"Y..yes Damien" I spoke louder.

"Pathetic thing for a mate" He said before disconnecting the call.

I felt a tear drop down my cheek but I quickly wiped it with my hand and smiled at myself.

At least he still wants me to cook. He's just busy with his Beta duties. Damien is not completely mean I know it.

I cleaned up the house, put some makeup to cover my bruise and wore a long sleeved shirt before going to the store to get ingredients and a gift for Damien because our two year anniversary is tomorrow.

When I got to the store to buy ingredients, I saw something that made my heart break into a million pieces.

Damien was there, but he wasn't alone. He was with Vivian Hartwell, the daughter of Alpha Robert from the Mountain View Pack.

They were standing very close together, and Damien had his arms around her waist.

I hid behind a tall shelf and watched them. Vivian was everything I wasn't.

She was tall and beautiful with long dark hair. Her wolf was strong - I had seen her shift into a gorgeous chstenut wolf with black stripes at previous festivals.

"I can't wait until this is all over," I heard Vivian say to Damien. "When are you going to get rid of that pathetic excuse for a mate?"

Damien laughed. "Soon, my love. Very soon. I just need to wait for the right moment."

"She's so ugly and weak," Vivian said meanly. "I can't believe you've been pretending to be mated to that thing for two years."

"It hasn't been easy," Damien said. "But my father said I needed to be mated to someone from this pack to secure our alliance. Laila was the easiest target because she's so desperate and stupid."

"I'm sick and tired of being away from you my darling" Vivian whined with a pout.

"I know my love, you are just the perfect woman fit to be my mate and Luna of my pack. Not that pathetic weak thing"

I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. All those sweet words he said to me at the festival... all those promises to love and protect me... they were all lies.

'Well, at least after tomorrow's Harvest Festival, you won't have to pretend anymore," Vivian said.

"When all the other Alphas are there to witness it, you can publicly tell them about me, then we can finally be together as one big family." She said and held her slightly protruding stomach.

"Yes I can't wait to be with you and my pup and the best part," Damien said with a cruel smile, "is that I found out some very interesting information about Laila. Information that will make sure no other male ever wants her."

"Really? That's so amazing Damien" Vivian squealed and hugged him.

They kissed then, long and passionate.

I had to cover my mouth to keep from crying out loud.

I ran home as fast as I could. When I got there, I threw up from all the pain in my heart.

Everything I thought I knew about my life was a lie.

Damien didn't love me. He had never loved me.

I was just a tool he used to make his father happy and tomorrow, at our second anniversary, in front of everyone, he was going to throw me away like garbage.

He has been cheating on me. I was his mate. He even has a child with that woman.

I have been suspicious about him for a couple of months but I never wanted to believe that he could cheat on me. I even thought I was ungrateful for thinking that way about him.

Now I realize that all my suspicions were true.

Every single time he said he was busy with pack duties, he most likely wasn't.

We weren't even living in the pack house. He said it was because he wanted us to have our own privacy but it was just because he wanted to have his privacy with his Vivian.

Five months into our marriage, he stopped being intimate with me. He said it was because he didn't want to hurt me and wanted me to be able to shift before we had a child but they were all lies.

He barely touched me except when he started hitting me, grabbing me or a few times when he forced his drunk self on me.

If he never wanted to be with me, he should have at least treated me right.

I have always been treated differently by pack members because I was an orphan who couldn't shift.

When Damien came into my life, I thought I finally found happiness, love and a family to call my own but I was wrong.

I was so wrong. No one loved me and no one will.

I cried thinking about everything until I had no more tears left.

Then I sat on my bed and tried to think about what to do. I could run away before the festival but where would I go?

I had no money, no family except my uncle who clearly didn't care about me, and no friends who would help me.

Or I could stay and face whatever horrible thing Damien was planning to do to me. At least then I would know the truth.

The tiny voice inside me whispered like it was in pain

"You deserve better than this."

For the first time, I listened to it completely.

"You're right," I whispered. "I do deserve better."

-End of Flashback-

As tears streamed down my face.

I thought about everything and how I didn't have anything to live for anymore.

Going with him wouldn't matter right?