LAILA

My name is Laila Ashwood. I am a dark blonde headed, blue eyed twenty two year old.

Few days ago I met Alpha Kieran when my pack held a meeting with regards to the festival of harvest.

-Flashback-

I sat on a big rock by the river behind the pack house.

My eyes were red from crying. My cheek hurt where Damien had hit me.

I touched it gently and winced. It was going to leave a purple mark.

"You're so stupid, Laila," I said to myself. 'Why can't you do anything right?'

That's what Damien always told me.

Every day he found new ways to make me feel small and worthless.

I am twenty-two years old. I am supposed to be happy because three months ago, I found my mate.

In the werewolf world, finding your mate was like finding your best friend forever.

It was supposed to be the most wonderful thing that could happen but Damien wasn't wonderful at all.

"You can't even shift into a wolf," Damien had yelled at me today.

"What kind of werewolf can't turn into a wolf? You're broken, Laila. Maybe I should find a better mate." He yelled and hit my face.

I pulled my knees up to my chest. I am the only wolf in my pack who can't change into my wolf form yet.

All the other women my age and younger can run through the forest as beautiful wolves. I could only watch and feel sad.

"Maybe he's right," I whispered. "Maybe I am broken."

The moon was getting bigger in the sky. It was almost full. I always felt strange when the moon was full, like something was trying to wake up inside me but nothing ever happened.

I don't know how long I sat here till I heard footsteps behind me. I quickly wiped my tears. I didn't want anyone to see me crying.

"There you are." It was Damien's voice and he sounded angry.

"I've been looking everywhere for you."I stood up and turned around.

Damien was walking toward me. He is tall and has brown hair. Most girls think he is handsome but I only see the mean look in his eyes now.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I just needed some air."

"Don't lie to me," Damien said. His voice was getting louder. "You ran away because you're a coward. Just like always."

"I wasn't running away," I said softly. "I just-"

"Shut up!" Damien grabbed my arm hard. I gasped. His fingers dug into my skin as he growled at me.

I should have been used to his aggressive abuse by now but every single time he hit or abuses me, it hurts worse than before.

"You embarrassed me today in front of the whole pack. When Alpha Theodore asked why you still can't shift, what did you do? You just stood there like an idiot."

"I didn't know what to say," I whispered.

"Of course you didn't. Because you're useless." Damien's grip got tighter. I tried to pull away, but he was too strong.

"My friends all laugh at me because I got stuck with a broken mate. Do you know how that makes me feel?" He shouted.

Tears started falling down my face again. "I'm trying my best-"

"Your best isn't good enough!" Damien shook me. "Maybe if I scare you enough, your wolf will finally come out."

He raised his other hand. I closed my eyes and waited for the hit but it never came.

"Let her go." The voice that stopped him from slapping me was deep and authoritative. It made my whole body tingle in a strange way. I opened my eyes and gasped.

A man stepped out of the shadows between the trees. He was the biggest person I have ever seen. His hair, as black as the night sky. His eyes, silver like the moon.

When he looked at Damien, his face was very angry.

"Alpha Kieran, what are you doing here? Your lodge is the other way" Damien asked but I could hear that he was scared and his hand loosened on my arm.

"I know," His deep voice echoed.

Alpha of the Shadow Ridge Pack. I felt my heart jump. Everyone knew about Kieran Blackthorne.

He was the scariest Alpha in all the lands. People said he never smiled, that he could kill with just a look and that his heart was made of ice.

But why wasn't I scared of him now, why did it feel like I wanted him to be here with me? Why did I feel pulled to him? I already have a mate so what is wrong with me? I think it's just because Damien is hurting me.

"This is a family affair," Damien said, trying to sound brave. "It has nothing to do with you."

Kieran took a step closer. His silver eyes moved to my red cheek and the finger marks on my arm. Something dangerous flashed in his eyes.

"When I see a male hurting a female, it becomes my business," Kieran said. His voice was like thunder. "Let. Her. Go." he growled and it was the lowest growl I'd ever heard.

Damien's hand dropped away from my arm immediately. I rubbed the sore spot where his fingers had been.

"She's my mate," Damien said quickly. "I can discipline her however I want."

"Discipline?" Kieran's voice got even scarier. "Is that what you call hitting someone smaller than you?"

I watched as Kieran walked closer to Damien. The scary Alpha was so much bigger than my mate and Damien was big but right now, he looked like a little boy next to him.

"I wasn't hitting her," Damien lied. "We were just talking."

Kieran looked at me. His silver eyes were softer when they looked at me.

"Is that true, little wolf?" he asked.

I opened my mouth, then closed it. I was supposed to protect Damien. Mates were supposed to stick together. But my cheek still hurt. My arm still hurt.

"I... I fell," I whispered, looking down at my feet. I heard Kieran growl again.

When I peeked up, his eyes were angry again, but not at me, at Damien.

"You fell," Kieran repeated. His voice said he didn't believe me. "On your face. While leaving finger marks on your arm."

Damien stepped forward. "Look, Alpha Blackthorne, I respect you and the fact that we're alliances, but this really isn't your concern. Laila is my mate. She belongs to me."

"Belongs to you?" Kieran's eyes flashed with silver light. I felt power rolling off him like waves. It made my skin tingle again.

"She's not a toy, boy. She's a person."

"She's a weak person," Damien said meanly. "She can't even shift. What good is a mate who can't be a proper wolf?"

I felt my face get hot with shame. Even in front of this stranger, Damien was telling everyone how broken I was.

Then something I'd never seen happened. Kieran looked at Damien like he was something disgusting on his shoe.

"A male who has to hurt his mate to feel strong is not a proper wolf," Kieran said coldly. "He's just a coward with fangs."

Damien's face turned red with anger. "How dare you-"

"I dare because I am an Alpha," Kieran said. His voice was quiet, but it felt like a roar. "And you are nothing but a coward"

I watched as Damien's face went from red to white. Everyone knew you didn't argue with Alpha Kieran Blackthorne. Not if you wanted to live.

"Come," Kieran said, looking at me again. "I'll walk you home."

"She doesn't need-" Damien started but Kieran turned his scary silver eyes on Damien.

"I wasn't talking to you."

Damien shut his mouth fast. I looked between the two men. I was confused and scared, but I also felt... something else.

For the first time in months, someone had stood up for me. Someone had told Damien he was wrong and it felt nice.

"Thank you," I whispered to Kieran. "But I should go with Damien. He's my mate."

Kieran studied my face with those strange silver eyes. It felt like he could see right into my heart.

"A true mate would never hurt you, little wolf," Kieran said softly. "Remember that."

Then he turned and walked back into the shadows of the trees. In seconds, he was gone, like he had never been there at all.

Damien and I stood by the river in silence. I digesting the shock, Damien fuming.

Eventually, Damien roughly grabbed my hand.

"Don't ever embarrass me like that again," he hissed in my ear as we walked home. "And don't you dare tell anyone what happened tonight."

I nodded but as we walked away, I kept thinking about silver eyes and a deep voice that had called me 'little wolf' like it was something precious.

LAILA

I woke up with my face stuck to my pillow.

During the night, the cut on my cheek had bled a little.

When I sat up, it hurt really bad. I looked in the mirror above my dresser and the purple bruise was darker now.

It covered half of my face. My lip was swollen too but I  didn't remember Damien hitting my lip or maybe he did when I wasn't paying attention.

"Laila!" Damien's voice came from downstairs. He sounded angry already, and it wasn't even breakfast time yet.

"Get down here now!" My stomach felt sick. I was scared of what he wanted but I had to go.

If I didn't come when he called, he would get even madder.

I put on a long-sleeved shirt to hide the finger marks on my arms. Then I tried to brush my hair over my face to hide the bruise although it didn't work very well.

I walked downstairs slowly. Each step made me more scared.

Damien was sitting at the kitchen table. He had a cup of coffee and was reading something on his phone. When he saw me, his face got mean.

"You look terrible," he spat. "How am I supposed to take you anywhere looking like that?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Sorry doesn't fix your ugly face." Damien stood up and walked over to me. He grabbed my chin hard and turned my head to look at the bruise.

"This is your fault, you know. If you weren't so stupid, I wouldn't have to teach you lessons." His fingers pressed into the bruise. I tried not to cry out, but a small sob escaped.

"Does it hurt?" Damien asked. He sounded happy about it.

"A little," I admitted.

"Good. Maybe now you'll remember to behave better." He let go of my face and pushed me backward.

I stumbled and hit the counter with my hip.

"Make me breakfast and don't burn it this time, or you'll get worse than a bruised face."

I nodded quickly and went to the stove. My hands were shaking as I got out eggs and bacon.

I was always nervous when I cooked for Damien because he got angry about everything.

"The pack meeting is today," Damien said, sitting back down. "Hou're not coming."

I looked at him in surprise. "But all the mates come to pack meetings."

"All the mates who can actually shift into wolves," Damien growled. "You're just going to embarrass me again. Like you did yesterday."

My heart felt heavy. I loved pack meetings. They were the only time I got to see other people and feel like I belonged somewhere.

"Please," I said softly. "I promise I won't embarrass you."

Damien laughed. "You embarrass me just by breathing, so you're staying home. Maybe if you're alone all day, you'll figure out how to finally shift into your wolf form."

I turned back to the eggs so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. I had tried so hard to shift.

Every night, I went into the woods and concentrated until my head hurt but nothing ever happened.

"And another thing," Damien said. "If anyone asks about your face, you tell them you fell down the stairs. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"What was that? I can't hear you."

"Yes, I understand," I said louder.

"Good. And Laila?" Damien's said calmly. "If you ever tell anyone what really happened, especially about Alpha Blackthorne showing up, I will make sure you regret it for the rest of your very short life."

I felt cold all over. I knew Damien meant it. He had hurt me before, but the way he said it made me think he might do something much worse.

"I won't tell anyone," I promised.

"You better not." Damien came up behind me while I was cooking. He put his hands on my shoulders and pressed down hard.

"You belong to me, Laila. No one else will ever want a broken wolf like you. I'm the only one who puts up with your uselessness."

I wanted to say that I deserved to be treated nice especially by my mate, I was supposed to be special to my mate but I couldn't tell Damien that.

"I know," I said instead.

"Do you? because last night, you seemed pretty interested in that Alpha." Damien's hands moved to my neck. Not squeezing, but I could feel how strong his hands were.

"Were you thinking about running away with him?"

"No!" I said quickly. "I would never-"

"Because if you ever try to leave me," Damien whispered in my ear, "I will find you and I will make you sorry you were ever born."

My hands trembled. The eggs in the pan began to burn because I couldn't focus on cooking anymore.

"Look what you did!" Damien yelled and spun me around. "You ruined breakfast!"

"I can make more-"

"No!" Damien pushed me hard. I fell backward and hit the floor. My head hit the cabinet with a loud thud.

"You can't do anything right!" He yelled as I  lay on the floor, scared to move.

My head was pounding where it hit the cabinet. Damien stood over me, and for a second, I thought he might kick me.

Instead, he grabbed his coffee cup and threw the hot coffee at me. It splashed on my arms and chest. I screamed.

"Clean up this mess," Damien said. "And don't you dare leave this house today. If I find out you went anywhere, you'll regret it."

Then he walked out of the kitchen. I heard the front door slam a few minutes later.

I lay on the floor for a long time, crying. My arms hurt from the hot coffee. My head hurt from hitting the cabinet. My heart hurt from everything else.

Finally, I got up and cleaned the kitchen. I threw away the burned eggs and wiped up the coffee.

I changed into a different shirt because the coffee had stained the one I was wearing then I sat at the kitchen table and cried some more.

I thought about what Alpha Kieran had said last night. "A true mate would never hurt you, little wolf." but he was wrong. Maybe this was what mates did. Maybe I really was broken, and this was the only kind of love I deserved.

I touched the bruise on my face gently. It was getting more purple and swollen.

"You're so stupid, Laila," I said to myself again. "This is all your fault." but deep inside, a tiny voice said something different.

It said that the Alpha with the silver eyes had been right. It said that maybe I didn't deserve to be hurt. I tried to make that voice go away. It was dangerous to think like that.

If I started believing I deserved better, I might do something that would make Damien even angrier but the voice wouldn't go away completely.

It stayed there, tiny but strong, like a small light in a very dark room and even though I was scared, part of me was glad it was there.

I spent the rest of the morning alone in the house, thinking about silver eyes and wondering what it would be like to have someone call me "little wolf" in a kind voice every day.

Then I remembered Damien's threat and I pushed those thoughts away. I had to be more careful. I had to be a better mate. If I was a better mate, Damien would treat me better for sure. 

What if he still wouldn't? The tiny voice in my head was back.

"A true mate would never hurt you, little wolf" the voice echoed Alpha Kieran's words.

I wonder how Alpha Kieran would treat his own mate. I'm sure he'd never hit her or yell at her or..

I have to stop thinking about Alpha Kieran. I have a mate and he probably has one too.

I shouldn't be dreaming about things that aren't mine, things I can't have.

What if you could? The tiny voice whispered.

LAILA

I sat in my room all afternoon, staring out the window. I could see other pack members walking around outside. They looked happy, normal. I wish I could be like them.

My stomach growled loudly. I hadn't eaten anything all day because I was too scared to go back to the kitchen.

What if I made another mess? What if Damien came home and found me doing something wrong?

I touched my bruised face again. It was getting worse because I've not been able to heal properly for a while now. It felt like my strength and healing ability was being drained away.

Soon everyone would see it and know what happened but I would have to lie and say I fell down the stairs, just like Damien told me to.

As the sun got lower in the sky, I started thinking about three months ago. That was when I first met Damien. Back then, I thought he was wonderful.

-Flashback of Two years ago-

I remember standing at the edge of the dance floor at the Spring Moon Festival.

All the young wolves who didn't have mates yet were supposed to dance and meet each other but I was too shy and scared.

"You should dance," my friend Sarah had said. "Maybe you'll find your mate tonight!"

I shook my head. "No one would want to dance with me. I can't even shift into my wolf form yet."

"That doesn't matter," Sarah said kindly. "The right person will love you just the way you are."

I didn't believe her, but I smiled anyway and that's when I saw him. Damien was the most handsome boy at the whole festival.

He had thick brown hair and warm brown eyes. He was tall and strong, and when he smiled, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

He was dancing with different girls and they all looked so happy to be with him. I wished I was brave enough to dance too, but I just watched from far away.

As I was thinking about my inability to shift, Damien looked across the room and we stared at each other. My heart was beating so fast. He stopped dancing and walked straight toward me.

"Hi," he said, and his voice was like music. "I'm Damien."

"I-I know," I stuttered. "I'm Laila."

"Laila," he repeated, like my name was something beautiful.

"That's a pretty name for a pretty girl." He whispered and I felt my face get red. No one had ever called me pretty before.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked, holding out his hand.

I looked at his hand, then at his kind face. "I'm not a very good dancer," I warned him before placing my hand in his.

"That's okay," Damien said with a big smile. "I'll teach you."

We danced for hours. Damien was patient when I stepped on his feet.

He laughed in a nice way when I got confused about which way to turn. He made me feel special and wanted.

When the music stopped, we sat outside under the stars."I have to tell you something," Damien said, looking serious.My heart jumped.

"What?"

"I think... I think you might be my mate," he said softly.I felt like I was flying.

"Really?"

"Really. I felt something special when I first saw you. Like my heart recognized you."

Damien took my hand gently. "Did you feel it too?" I nodded. I had felt something, like a warm glow in my chest.

"But are you sure? I can't shift yet. I might be broken."

"You're not broken," Damien said firmly. "You're perfect. Your wolf will come when she's ready. And even if she never comes, I would still want you."

Tears of happiness filled my eyes. "I can't believe someone like you would want someone like me."

"Someone like me?" Damien asked.

"You're so handsome and the next Beta of our pack. You could have any girl you want."

Damien cupped my face in his hands, so gently. "But I don't want any other girl. I want you, Laila. Only you."

Then he kissed me, soft and sweet under the moonlight. It was my first kiss, and it was perfect.

"I'll take care of you," Damien whispered against my lips. "I'll protect you and love you forever. You never have to worry about anything again."

I believed him. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world during our mating and coronation ceremony.

-End of Flashback of two years ago-

Now I sat in my room with a bruised face and coffee burns on my arms, wondering what happened to that kind, gentle boy who had danced with me under the stars.

When did his sweet words turn mean? When did his gentle touches turn into hits? When did his promise to protect me turn into threats?

I tried to remember when things changed, but it was hard.

It happened slowly, like how the sun goes down a little bit each day until suddenly it's dark.

At first, Damien was still nice most of the time but sometimes he would get frustrated with me for small things.

He would say things like, "Why can't you try harder to shift?" or "Other mates don't have this problem."

I thought he was just worried about me. I thought he wanted to help but then the criticism got worse.

He started calling me lazy and stupid when I couldn't shift. He said I was embarrassing him in front of his friends.

He said I needed to try harder to be a good mate. I tried so hard to make him happy. I cooked his favorite foods. I cleaned our house until it sparkled.

I practiced shifting every night until I collapsed from exhaustion but nothing I did was ever good enough. The first time he hit me was close to a year ago.

I had burned his dinner because I was so tired from practicing my shifting all night. He slapped me across the face and said it was my fault for being careless.

Afterward, he cried and said he was sorry. He said he loved me so much that it made him crazy when I messed up. He bought me flowers and promised never to hurt me again.

But he did hurt me again and again and each time, he said it was because he loved me.

He said if I was a better mate, he wouldn't have to discipline me. Soon, I started to believe him.

Maybe this was what love looked like. Maybe I really was lucky that someone like Damien wanted someone like me, even if I was broken.

Then I remembered what Alpha Kieran had said last night.

"A true mate would never hurt you, little wolf."

Could that be true? Were there really mates out there who never hit or yelled or said mean things?

I thought about how Damien used to be. Sweet and gentle and kind. That boy felt like a dream now. Like someone I made up in my head.

My stomach growled again, reminding me that I still hadn't eaten. I was scared to go downstairs, but I was so hungry it hurt.

I crept down to the kitchen quietly. I made a small sandwich and ate it quickly, afraid Damien might come home and find me eating without permission.

As I washed my plate, I looked out the window toward the forest. Somewhere out there was the place where the Alpha with silver eyes had saved me from Damien's anger.

I wondered if he was still in our territory. I wondered if he ever thought about the scared girl he helped by the river.

Probably not.

He was important and powerful. I was just a broken wolf who couldn't even shift but still, I found myself wishing I could see those kind silver eyes again.

Just once and somehow I'd be fine. I didn't even know why I thought that way, I just did.

I finished cleaning and went back to my room, tended my wounds as I listened to the voices of the pack members at the pack house as they drifted in the wind.

As I lay in bed that night, I thought about the boy who used to dance with me under the stars, and I wondered if I would ever find my way back to that feeling of being loved and protected.

The tiny voice inside me whispered:

"Maybe that wasn't real love at all."

For the first time I didn't try to make it go away.