I woke to sunlight streaming through unfamiliar curtains. For one merciful moment, I remembered nothing. Then reality crashed back—the ritual, my letters burning with blue flame, the terrible emptiness that had replaced everything I once felt.
The bedroom door opened. Evan stood there, watching me with clinical interest, as if I were a science experiment.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
I sat up slowly, taking inventory. My crushed hand should have throbbed with pain, but I felt nothing. The fingers were swollen, discolored, but they might as well have belonged to someone else.
"I don't," I replied simply.
He crossed the room in three quick strides. I saw his hand rise, watched it arc through the air toward my face. The slap connected with enough force to snap my head sideways. Heat bloomed across my cheek, but there was no sting, no hurt, just the clinical awareness that I'd been struck.
Evan studied my face, his eyes narrowing at the bright red handprint forming on my skin. His lips curled into a satisfied smile.
"Perfect," he whispered. "It worked."
I touched my cheek, feeling the raised warmth beneath my fingertips without experiencing any discomfort.
"What exactly did you do to me?"
"The ritual severed your emotional capacity," Evan explained, sitting beside me on the bed. "Your feelings, your pain—they're feeding Lauren now. Healing her." He reached out to stroke my hair, the gesture possessive rather than affectionate. "You belong to me completely now. You'll help me care for her."
"And if I refuse?"
He laughed, the sound hollow and unfamiliar. "You won't. You can't. The ritual bound you to my will until it's complete."
I should have felt terror, rage, heartbreak—anything. Instead, there was only emptiness, a vast void where my emotions had once lived.
"Get dressed," Evan ordered, tossing clothes onto the bed. "We're going to the hospital."
---
The hospital corridor smelled of antiseptic and artificial flowers. Evan guided me with a hand on my lower back, steering me toward Lauren's room. My broken fingers hung uselessly at my side, untreated, forgotten.
"Remember," he murmured as we approached her door, "you're here to help. Nothing more."
Lauren's room was filled with flowers and balloons, a celebration of her miraculous recovery. She sat propped against pillows, her skin radiant with unnatural health. When she saw us, her eyes lit up—not with gratitude, but with triumph.
"There you are," she called to Evan, ignoring me completely.
Evan rushed to her side, taking her hand and pressing it to his lips. "How are you feeling?"
"Better every minute," Lauren said, her voice honeyed. She finally acknowledged me with a dismissive glance. "You brought your pet."
Evan guided me to a chair in the corner. "Sit," he commanded. I obeyed, my body moving automatically while my mind observed from a distance.
I watched as Evan tenderly fed Lauren soup, wiping her chin when a drop spilled, whispering promises of devotion between spoonfuls. My prayer beads—the ones I'd spent months searching for, saving for, a gift I'd given Evan years ago—hung around Lauren's neck.
"Oh, these old things," Lauren said, catching my gaze. She fingered the beads, smirking. "Evan gave them to me ages ago. They don't really suit me."
With deliberate slowness, she unclasped the necklace and dangled it before me. "Here, you can have them back."
The beads slipped from her fingers, scattering across the linoleum floor. Several rolled beneath her bed. Lauren's foot emerged from beneath the covers, her heel coming down on one of the beads with a sharp crack.
"Oops," she said, grinding her heel against the floor.
I should have felt devastation. Those beads had been sacred to me, a symbol of everything I'd sacrificed for Evan. Instead, I watched with detached curiosity as she crushed another beneath her foot.
---
Three days later, Lauren was discharged. Evan insisted I attend her "recovery celebration"—a gathering at her apartment filled with people who stared at me with morbid curiosity. They'd heard rumors, whispers about what had happened to me.
I stood in the corner, a glass of untouched champagne in my hand, watching Lauren hold court. She glowed with vitality—my vitality, stolen from me through those burning letters.
"Everyone," Lauren called out suddenly, tapping her glass with a spoon. "I want to show you something fascinating."
The room quieted. Lauren beckoned me forward, her smile sharp as a blade.
"Jolene has a unique talent," she announced. "She doesn't feel pain anymore. Isn't that right?"
Before I could respond, Lauren grabbed my wrist, pulling me toward the dining table where candles flickered in ornate holders.
"Let's demonstrate," she said, her voice carrying through the now-silent room.
She forced my palm downward, pressing it against the flame of a thick pillar candle. The room collectively gasped. I watched with clinical detachment as my flesh reddened, then blistered. The smell of burning skin filled my nostrils, but there was no pain, no instinct to pull away.
"One minute," Lauren announced, checking her watch as she held my wrist firmly.
Guests recoiled in horror. Someone whispered for her to stop. Evan watched from across the room, his expression unreadable.
When Lauren finally released me, my palm was a landscape of angry red blisters and charred skin. I examined it with the same interest I might give a moderately engaging television show.
"See?" Lauren's voice dripped with false sweetness. "Nothing bothers her anymore. Isn't that convenient?"
The clinic smelled of bleach and desperation. Located three blocks from the hospital in a neighborhood where questions weren't asked, it operated in the gray spaces between legal and necessary. Evan's hand pressed against my lower back as he guided me through the narrow entrance, past waiting patients who averted their eyes.
"She's here for the procedure we discussed," Evan told the receptionist, sliding an envelope across the counter.
The woman glanced at me, taking in my pallor, the fading burn marks on my palm, the way I stood perfectly still like a mannequin awaiting instruction. Her expression flickered with something that might have been concern in another life.
"Room three," she said finally.
Dr. Hernandez was a thin man with nervous hands and the hollow eyes of someone who'd compromised too many times. He gestured for me to lie on the examination table, its leather cracked and patched with duct tape.
"This is highly irregular," he said to Evan while preparing the IV line. "The amount you're requesting—it's dangerous. She'll need weeks to recover."
"She'll be fine," Evan replied, counting bills from his wallet. "Take what I'm paying for."
The needle slid into my arm with a sharp pinch that registered as nothing more than pressure. I watched my blood flow through the clear tubing into collection bags, dark red and warm. The doctor hung bag after bag, each one heavier than the last.
"Her pressure is dropping," Dr. Hernandez said, checking the monitor. "We should stop."
"Keep going." Evan added more bills to the pile on the counter. "She can handle it."
I could feel my body growing lighter, as if I were floating just above the table. The room began to tilt at odd angles, the fluorescent lights swimming in my vision. But there was no fear, no instinct for self-preservation. Just clinical observation as my life force drained away, drop by drop.
"Her lips are blue," the doctor protested. "If she goes into shock—"
"Then you'll handle it," Evan snapped. "That's what I'm paying you for."
The world grayed at the edges. I felt my consciousness sliding away like water through cupped hands, but even that carried no terror. As darkness closed in, my last coherent thought was wondering if Lauren would feel stronger tonight.
I woke to harsh light and the taste of copper in my mouth. Dr. Hernandez was injecting something into my IV line, his face pale with worry.
"Too close," he muttered to himself. "Too damn close."
Evan stood by the window, his reflection ghostly in the glass. "How much did you get?"
"Four units. Maybe five. More than she should have given." The doctor's voice carried an edge of accusation.
"Good." Evan didn't turn around. "When can we do it again?"
"Never. Not safely. You nearly killed her."
I tried to sit up, but my body felt hollow, empty. The room spun, and I had to lie back down.
"She's fine," Evan said, finally facing us. "Aren't you, Jolene?"
I nodded because it was expected, though 'fine' seemed an inadequate word for the strange disconnection I felt from my own body.
---
Lauren's dinner party was an elegant affair—crystal glasses, bone china, guests who laughed too loudly at jokes that weren't funny. I sat at the far end of the table, invisible except when Lauren chose to acknowledge me.
"Jolene has been so helpful with my recovery," Lauren announced during the soup course, her smile sharp as winter. "Though I'm afraid she's been a bit careless with some things."
She reached into her purse and withdrew a small velvet pouch—the one I'd kept my remaining prayer beads in, the ones that had survived her first destruction. With theatrical slowness, she upended the pouch over her palm. Seven smooth stones tumbled out, each one carved with Sanskrit symbols I'd memorized years ago.
"I found these cluttering up my dresser," Lauren said, holding them up to catch the chandelier light. "Such old, worn things. I can't imagine why anyone would keep them."
The guests murmured politely, unaware of the significance. These weren't just beads—they were all I had left of who I used to be, blessed by monks in a temple I'd visited alone, saving for months to afford the trip.
Lauren rose from her chair and walked to the marble fireplace, where logs crackled with orange flame. Without ceremony, she scattered the beads into the fire. They clattered against the grate, rolling into the burning wood.
"Oh dear," she said with mock concern. "How clumsy of me."
The blessed stones began to blacken in the heat, years of prayers and devotion turning to ash. Lauren turned to face me, her eyes bright with malicious pleasure.
"If they mean anything to you," she said, her voice carrying to every corner of the silent room, "you could always retrieve them."
I stood slowly, aware of every eye upon me. The fire roared its invitation, hungry and merciless. Without hesitation, I walked to the fireplace and knelt before it.
The flames licked at my sleeve as I reached into the inferno. My skin began to sizzle immediately, the scent of burning flesh mixing with wood smoke. One by one, I collected my prayer beads from among the coals, my hand moving steadily through fire that would have sent anyone else screaming.
The dinner guests recoiled in horror. Someone gasped. Another guest rushed from the room, hand pressed to their mouth.
I retrieved all seven beads, my palm and fingers now a landscape of charred skin and raw wounds. The blessed stones were hot enough to brand flesh, but I closed my fist around them anyway, feeling them sear into my palm.
When I stood and turned back to the table, the silence was absolute. My ruined hand dripped blood onto Lauren's pristine carpet, but my face remained serene, untouched by the agony that should have consumed me.
"Thank you," I said quietly, my voice steady as stone.