- Tomorrow Will Be Better

Patrick opened the diner back up on Tuesday since both he and Patty were over the sickness. Beth is still under the weather, but because the diner was closed for so long, both Patty and I agreed to work double shifts to help make up the time that we both lost. Things were starting to go back to normal, almost. I still need to find a third job with decent pay. I’m tired of depending on tips. I really wished the auction house were a real auction house and not just a glorified brothel. I’m not judging anyone by any means, I was just really counting on the extra money that Scarlett had mentioned.

When I check my phone on my break, there are multiple text messages from Frank, begging me to come back to the bar, and one new voicemail from a number that I do not recognize. I tap in my four-digit code and listen. I recognize Dr. Hildreth’s voice. Rolling my eyes, I am about to delete the message thinking he was going to try convincing me to let mom go, but I am wrong. He wants me to call him back to talk about transportation for my mother. Apparently, due to low funds, the hospital is being forced to close down. He goes on to say more, but I do not hear any of it because I hit the end call button.

The rest of my shift goes by in a blur. My mind replaying the doctor’s words over and over. What am I going to do with my mother? The only thing left to do is put her in a nursing home that the government will pay for, but I know that she would never want that. I remember that we used to joke about when she got old. I teased her about not wanting to change her Depends so I’d ship her to a home, and she made me promise to never put her in a home. How can I go back on that promise?

Bobby wraps up some leftovers for me and sends me home, saying he can close up by himself. He knows all about my struggles lately, and even though I don’t want people to pity me, it is nice to let people help out sometimes. I don’t know what I have done for life to make things so hard for me. I’ve always been a good daughter, student, friend, and worker. I treat people kindly for the most part, and I try to never complain. I do my best to get through the tough times, but there is always something waiting to knock me back down as soon as I make any progress.

I am not sure how I made it home safely, considering I didn’t pay any attention to my surroundings on my way back from the diner. Unlocking my apartment door, I flip the light switch, but nothing happens. Moving deeper into my apartment, I try another light switch, and nothing.

“Well, fuck!” Turns out this is my undoing. I slide down the wall and just start laughing. Not sure why I’m laughing, but I am. All too soon though, the laughter turns into crying.

After about thirty minutes of bawling like a baby, I drag myself back to my feet and go in search of candles. Not finding any, I look for a flashlight that actually has batteries in it. I do not want to waste the battery on my phone by using the flashlight app, so I continue to stumble through my apartment until I find a tiny LED flashlight. It’s about as long as my pointer finger but it will do the trick. The little thing gives off enough light for me to eat the food that Bobby sent home with me. It isn’t much, just two small chicken strips and a slice of day-old cherry pie, but I’m still grateful. Anything that I may have had in the fridge, which isn’t much, is probably no good now that the electricity is off. God only knows how long it’s been off.

Finally, after washing my face and brushing my teeth in a dark bathroom, I climb into my bed and snuggle under my comforter. “Tomorrow will be better, Aria.” I whisper into the dark, “If he brings you to it, he will bring you through it.” I chant, remembering the few sayings that my mom used to chant when times got tough after dad died, “He will never give you more than you can handle.” I repeat these words until I finally fall asleep, hoping that when the sun rises in the morning, things will be a little bit brighter.

What spark I once had in my eyes left years ago. I had to grow up fast, had to become a responsible adult in order to get the bills paid. I never once complained about it because I still had my mom encouraging me. Now, I have no one. I am alone, and I am growing tired. Tired of always working. Tired of always worrying. Tired of being mad at the life that I am forced to live. Just tired. If I’m not working, then I’m sleeping. I have no energy for anything else. I think I gave up caring the night I lost electricity. It's been a week since that night I broke down on my floor. Having to go into my rent money to pay for it, I got my electric back the next day, along with my job at the bar. I had no other choice. I am now a zombie moving around from job to job, and then going home to sleep, just to do it all again the next day.

It has been over a week since I have been able to stop in and see mom, but I’m determined to do it today. I have a little time between working the dayshift at the diner and the night shift at the bar. It isn’t much, but it’s something. Stepping off the elevator, I practically collide with Dr. Hildreth.

“I am so sorry, Steffen!”

“Oh, Aria. It’s quite alright. I should have been watching where I was going.”

“Oh no, I was the one preoccupied with things on my mind, and I’m kind of in a hurry. I don’t have much time between jobs, but I wanted to see her.”

He gives me a sympathetic smile, “I understand.” He clears his throat, “Did you ever get my voicemail that I left about the hospital closing?”

Shit! I forgot to call him back. I slap my forehead, “I completely forgot, but yes. Um, how much time do I have to find another facility?”

“Well, it won’t be closing for another two months, but Aria, I strongly suggest you consider our past conversations…”

Holding up my hand to stop him from saying what I know he is going to say, “I have told you about my feelings on the matter, Steffen. Please respect my decision.”

I can see that he is getting a little annoyed with my stubbornness, but I don’t really care. We are talking about my mother’s life! I really think that she will wake up at some point. I can feel it in my gut. I can tell that the doctor wants to say more, so I completely ignore him and head to my mom’s room. Being with my mother calms me. I can vent and I can be myself. I can tell her about my day or night, and in the end, I always feel at peace. When I begin my long rant, I don’t get very far into it when I notice another vase of flowers. It bothers me that I don’t know who is sending them to her, but at the same time, a smile appears on my face. Knowing that I am not the only one who is acknowledging that my mother is still here with us.

After my shift at the bar, I head home feeling a little better. It was a great tip night, and this time nobody stole my jar. There is a note taped to my door when I get home. I dread reading it because I already know what it’s going to say. Sure enough, as I open it, dread fills my veins. It’s a letter of eviction. I was already a month behind on rent, and when I had to dip into rent money to pay for my electric to get turned back on, I knew I would be late this month. Apparently, they’re not willing to work with me. The letter says that they are giving me two weeks to come up with two months of rent, to catch me up, or else I need to move ASAP.

“Well, when it rains, it pours.” I sigh and let myself into my apartment.

I throw my keys and the letter on the counter and go in search of a bottle of Tito’s that I know I have around here somewhere. After searching all my cupboards, I finally find the half bottle under the kitchen sink, way in the back. I don’t bother with a glass, as I bring the bottle up to my lips and chug, as I walk to the window seat in my living room.

Opening up the window, I let the cool night breeze hit my face as I gaze up at the starless night sky. You can never see the stars in the city, it’s a pity. I take another long drink from the bottle and look down at the street. Cars and trucks line both sides of the streets with only a few open spots here and there. My neighborhood is a poor one, so when my eyes fall on a sleek black BMW parked across the street, I frown. The expensive car is so out of place parked on this street, and I feel as though I have seen it before.

I don’t think too much on it. Taking another swig, I walk away from the window. I’m not much of a drinker; that together with me not eating much today, I’m starting to feel as though I shouldn’t have drunk so much.

I look at the bottle and giggle, “Oh shit!” There are maybe two swigs left. This is not going to be good come morning. I start giggling once more, finishing off the bottle.

- Her Decision

It is the middle of the week and another long day of working. Dragging myself out of bed, I hop in the shower hoping to wake myself up. I literally catch myself falling back to sleep while washing my hair. How is that even possible? Only getting three to four hours of sleep at night, being on your feet all day, and not eating enough. That is how people fall asleep while washing their hair in the shower.

My foggy mirror that the shower steam caused seems like a good representation of my life. I feel like I’m just walking through life without knowing where I am going, because I can’t see where I am going, when I’m in a daze all day long due to lack of sleep. Using my hand, I swipe the mirror, leaving streaks, but I don’t care. Throwing my now dull raven locks up into a messy bun, I proceed to brush my teeth. The face that stares back at me is no longer my own, but a shell of what it used to be. Dark circles hover below my eyes while my cheekbones protrude out due to lack of nutrition. My blue-violet eyes are the same color, only they no longer shine. Spitting the toothpaste out, I rinse, wipe, and slowly shuffle over to the kitchen where my coffee awaits.

Having to endure another day like all the days before this is just so overwhelming. My shoulders droop as I sip my coffee at the table. My mind is clear of all thoughts except for one. Where did I ever get this ugly as sin floral tablecloth? I frown. Something doesn’t look right; it doesn’t belong in the ugly print of the material. Stretching across the table, my fingers slide over something black. Very slowly, my hand covers the foreign item and I slide back towards me. When I lift it off the table, my fingers fumble with it and it flutters down, landing in my lap. I don’t touch it right away. Instead, I stare at the bright color that is scribbled across it. It reminds me of blood. Blood reminds me of death. When I think of death these days, I think about peace. How peaceful would it be to just no longer exist? Just think about how much sleep I could get.

A shrill ringing starts to blare, and the table begins to vibrate. My head snaps to the sound. It’s my phone. I glance at the caller ID and see that it’s my mother’s hospital. My mind snaps me back to reality. Swiping my phone screen, I hurry up and answer. It’s the desk nurse.

“Um, is this Ms. Kramer?” she asks timidly.

“It is. Did something happen with my mom?”

“What? Oh, no. Your mom is perfectly fine.” I let out a huge sigh, and she continues, “I just wanted to call because I remember you asking once if I knew who sent your mother the flowers.”

“And? Do you know who it was?”

“I am sorry, I don’t. But I did see a well-dressed man dropping off another vase just as I was coming on shift this morning. I don’t think he was from the flower shop.”

“Can you at least tell me what he looked like?” I am confused. Why would some guy be bringing my mom flowers? Did she have a boyfriend before the accident? That can’t be. He wouldn’t wait all this time before getting her flowers if that was the case.

I focus back on what the nurse is saying, “He was wearing what looked like an expensive suit. He had dark hair that looks messy on top but it’s just the way it is styled. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. That is all I know.”

“No, no, thank you. You have been a tremendous help. Thanks for calling and letting me know.”

“It is no problem. I will call you if I ever see him again. Next time I will make sure to get a better look at him for you.”

“Ok, thank you.” I hand up the phone and just sit there pondering what she just told me.

Noticing the black card is still in my lap, I pick it up and examine it. I didn’t realize I still had it. Bringing it to my lips, I push the corner of it into my bottom lip, contemplating.

‘What if I just said fuck it, and did it?’

‘I mean, it’s only my virginity. It’s not like I need it. It’s not like I’ll ever see him again.’ I’m talking to myself as I stare down at the twine around my finger.

“You broke my heart, Knox Hamilton. You said you would love me forever and that you would marry me. But you never came back for me.” I say all this aloud while my eyes tear up, “Maybe it’s time that I give up on my fairytale and face reality.”

‘But can I really go through with it?’

‘Can I give my virginity to a complete stranger? Better yet, will I be able to last a whole month with the stranger, and let him do as he pleases with me?’

My silent thoughts seem to have a bit of an effect on my lower regions. The thought of having no control over what someone does to me makes me tingle. Maybe that is what I need; give complete control over to someone else for a little while. The money will definitely help with mom. As much as it scares the shit out of me, it may just be what I need to finally get my head above water. I slide the card into my back pocket and head for my first house cleaning job.

I finished my last house a little after lunch time. I already sent a text to Frank letting him know that I won’t be able to work tonight. He was not too pleased with me, but I don’t care. I have never called in sick or taken time off in the past. Before I chicken out, I pull the black card out of my pocket and dial the number.

It rings a few times before her sultry voice comes over the line, “I had a feeling that I would hear from you again, sweet Aria.”

“Hello Scarlett.”

“It is Miss Scarlett for future reference.” Her voice is seductive and if I were a man I would definitely be seduced. “It’s Wednesday, Aria.”

I know why she says it the way she does, “It is.” I reply.

“Will you be joining us this evening?”

I bite my lower lip. It seems to me that she is anxious to have me be one of her treasures. I wonder if she will compromise on a couple of things. I guess it won’t hurt to ask.

“There are a few things that I want first before I agree.”

She chuckles on the other end, “Negotiating with me, Aria? Let’s see what you are wanting and then I will let you know. It’s quite unusual, you know.”

“Yes, but how many twenty-four-year-old virgins do you get to auction off?”

Another chuckle, “Hmm, touché! Go ahead then, ask.”

“First of all, I want the starting bid at one million dollars.” I scrunch my nose. This one was a far fetch one, but I figured I would ask anyway.

“Done.” She quickly responds, “Anything else?”

I am thrown for a loop at how fast she agreed to that one. The others shouldn’t be a problem. “Yes. The outfit that you wanted me to wear isn’t going to do.”

“That is what all of our treasures wear, Aria.”

I roll my eyes, “I understand you need to sell sex, Scarlett. It’s just that the color wasn’t very appealing. Do you have one in a royal blue or violet color? You know, to make my eyes pop.” I giggle.

“Oh dear girl, you melt my heart! We have them in almost every color, so yes. We will find one just right for you.”

“Okay, last one.” This one makes me nervous, “My mother is in a coma. I would like to be able to visit her at least once a week, if not twice a week.”

“Aria, I am sure that whoever your buyer is will allow you that privilege. As I said before, we vet all our buyers. You may get a Dominant that will demand you be submissive to them, but even they still have a heart. I will make sure to add it to your Bio for this evening. Is there anything else?”

I try to think but I don’t think anything else is all too important, “No, I guess not.”

“Fabulous. Auction starts at nine tonight, so I need you here by eight. We will do hair and makeup.” She rattles off how she can’t wait to see the faces of the men when they see her new treasure, blah, blah, blah. “See you tonight, sweet Aria.”

I’m left standing in the middle of the sidewalk staring at my phone. ‘What did I just get myself into?’ I shake my head, “You’ve got this, Aria. Just think of it as an adventure.” I did always want to try new things, but this? I must be losing my mind. Looking at the time on my phone, I see that it’s one thirty. I need to get home and get myself ready. I have so much shaving to do! I also need to go in and schedule my bills to be paid automatically out of my account. I am hoping the money will be there by the time the bills come out, otherwise I will have a lot of overdraft fees.

My nerves begin to fray thinking about calling into all of my jobs and letting them know I will be gone for a month. Most likely they will not be waiting for me when I get back, but at least I’ll have a little cushion and can look for new ones once I return. Blowing out a much-needed breath, I make my way to the bus stop.