Two periods missed. She couldn't be going to have Bryan's baby. It was not possible. She was afraid to go to her doctor. She did not know what he would say

Because if it was not what she suspected, which she couldn't even voice aloud to herself even in the privacy of her room so that it would not become reality, then what was wrong with her?

Her doctor, was stuffy middle aged man who didn't look like he would be sympathetic was not the type of person she could go to and tell that she thought that she might be pregnant.

So, she went to the chemist and bought a do - it - yourself pregnancy test. The procedure was complicated but she knew that she wouldn't rest until she found out. She could not wait till the next day but did it that evening.

The result was positive. She stood looking at it with white face and shadowy eyes. She was carrying, Bryan's baby. Her stomach twisted in protest and dismay.

Oh, how had she been so wreckless and stupid? This was a complication' and consequence she had not been expecting. She had kept telling herself that as much as she regretted losing her head that way that night in Rome, at least, she didn't have to bother about being pregnant. How could she have expected to be one in a million that the precaution did not work on?'

In the first shock of realization, she did not know what to do. Her first thought was to have an abortion the sooner , the better. But she was afraid and undecided.

She couldn't make up her mind about something so terrifying and drastic in such a hurry. She needed time to think.

Should she have the child but let it be adopted? Oh but the very thought of going through a pregnancy while working in the bank,and everyone knowing what was happening to her body made her feel sick especially since it meant that Bryan would know as well.

She had no intention of telling him until she couldn't avoid it. This was her body, the decision had to be hers. He had no rights on the baby at all, she told herself bitterly. Not after the way he had behaved.

Sharon wondered if she was jinxed and could not be happy in any relationship.

Her first relationship had been a flop

Though they had gone their separate ways through mutual consent, the second had been a very bitter experience. She had been with him for some years and had thought that they were both in love. At least that the feelings she had for him was reciprocated. She had not even read the signs because she had been blinded by her love for him that when it happened, she had felt numb. She could not believe that it was happening to her.

'Sharon, I have tried to keep this relationship going for sometime now but it seems not to be working', he had said.

Sharon had not understood what he meant.

'Kept the relationship going? Not working? What do you mean?'

'I mean that I have found someone I know you be my soul mate. With her, I feel happy and complete'. Sharon felt as though a punch had been delivered to her stomach.

'You didn't feel happy with me nor complete?'

'Sharon don't be like this. I could have left without saying anything to you and you would have found out yourself through someone else but I value you and that is why I'd rather you heard it from me'.

'You still have not answered my question. Didn't you feel happy nor complete with me?'

'It is not the same thing. I thought I had it all with you though I kept feeling that something was missing. But with Melissa, I do not feel any emptiness of any sort in any part of my life'.

'But if you really felt that way, what have we been doing all this while? You had delibrately been using me to while away the time while you waited for her to accept you? I was just a stop by before you got to your destination isn't it?'

'It is not that way'.

'Ehat way is it then?'

'I had hoped to spare you but you seem to want to hear it all. Alright here goes. I have not really loved you. I thought that I could build on what we had but it was not working like I said earlier but with Melissa, it was love at first sight and the attraction had been instant. We share a chemistry that is beyond anything I can describe. It is better felt than imagined. Being someone with an active conscience, I knew that I couldn't go on deceiving you or allow you find this out yourself', he said looking at her apologetically.

'Who is she, this Melissa?'

She is the daughter of the senator. We have been out a few times and I realized that I wanted permanence with her. We have actually started planning our wedding. The father will take care of everything'.

'Are you talking about that Melissa? Melissa Thrumball?', she asked, realization dawning on her.

'The very same', he did happy that he had got it off his chest.

'I can't believe that you ate marrying her because her parents are rich and mine are just poor farmers. We could work out our future together. We have a bright future ahead of is and we can make our own way rather than depend on others or on their money'.

'It is not the money. Okay, the money is an added incentive but I loved her first before realizing who she was', he had said defensively but Sharon had known that it was mainly because of the money and the fame and connection, such a relationship would get him that had made him break up with her for Melissa.

She had given her heart to that relationship. She had waited for years to be made his wife but he never got around to it but the girl he saw in just a couple of weeks and they were already going through wedding plans.

She had not been a le to go into any other relationship after that. It had hurt her deeply. She could not bring herself to trust any man enough to give her heart and now she who thought she despised Bryan when he came along had been foolish and reckless enough to sell her pride and allow him to have her and now she had to bear the consequences alone. It was just not fair. Why must the woman always pay? What about the man? she wailed inwardly.

She was still wondering if she was jinxed and how her parents, her puritan parents would react to the news of her pregnancy when she fell into a troubled sleep.

She was still trying to make up her mind what to do when she and David flew to Frankfurt in November to have a series of meetings with Gerhard and other top German bank officials.

When the business of the day was over, Gerhard showed them Frankfurt's night life.

They were staying in a grand hotel of the type David most enjoyed. Each evening,Gerhard arrived in a chauffeur driven Limousine to take them out to dinner and dance. David tired early and would suggest that Sharon should stay on till later but she wouldn't hear of it. 'I have to get up early too', she would protest and go back to the hotel when he went.

For David, the best night was the one when Gerhard took them to the City Opera at the arts complex. David managed to stay awake for that but in their last night in Frankfurt, he went to bed early and didn't come out at all.

Gerhard took Sharon to the latest disco to open in Frankfurt. They shouted at each other and danced in a darkness split every second by a revolving flash of coloured neon light, the heavy beat of the music raving around them.

Gerhard kissed her on the car on the way back to her hotel and murmured thickly, 'Can I come in tonight?'

She had been expecting the question ever since they arrived. When he had visited them in London and they had gone out for Lunch with David, she had noticed that his interest in her ran deep but she had not given him any opportunity to say what he had in mind because she knew that she was not interested in him that way and did not want to hurt his feelings by encouraging him and then refusing him. She was not a tease afterall.

And this had also been the reason she had always avoided being alone with him after David went to bed.

She stiffened in his arms,very flushed.'I...I'm sorry, Gerhard...no'.

He looked down at her intently. 'Do you mean not tonight?Or never Sharon?'

'I like you Gerhard, you know that. I find you very attractive and charming. You've really been a wonderful host and I've enjoyed my stay here....'

'But...?' he said dryly.

She couldn't meet his eyes.

'There's someone else?' he asked and she hesitated, then nodded. 'I think I can guess', Gerhard said.

Her green eyes lifted in shock.

Gerhard smiled crookedly at her. Bryan Ferdinand, isn't it? I picked up vibes between the two of you in Rome'. She flinched. Had it been so obvious?

'It was like being caught in an electric storm. I almost ducked one or twice', Gerhard drawled. 'But I wasn't sure if you hated him or loved him, so I thought...', he shrugged with wry sophistication. 'What do you say in England... Nothing venture, nothing gain. You are beautiful and clever. I rarely meet girls who I find as attractive as I find you'.

She blushed and said shyly. 'Thank you Gerhard', I like you too very much,you know'.

'That's nice. I'll try and feel comforted by the thought', he said wryly. ' Well, no hard feelings Sharon. I have really enjoyed showing you and David around Frankfurt. I hope you come back soon. I'll certainly be around London sometime in the new year. And who knows, if you and Bryan never get it together, there might be a happy ending for me?'

Sharon was shake. 'Gerhard, I don't know what to say'. She had been expecting him to make a pass but she hadn't thought for a second that he might be serious about her. Was he saying that he was?

He gave her one of his charming dry smiles. 'Don't look at me like a wounded fawn, Sharon. My heart isn't broken. I'll live'.

They arrived at her hotel and Gerhard kissed her hand lingeringly. 'It had been a magical interlude, thank you very much Sharon'.

For some stupid reason, tears filled her eyes.

'You're too kind, Gerhard, you've made our trip here so wonderful'. She hugged him, gave a husky sob and ran into the hotel.

She lay awake half the night thinking that if she hadn't met Bryan, she might have fallen in love with Gerhard and been very happy with him. It was another reason why she hated Bryan. He had blighted her life in so many ways.

If she had not been pregnant, she might also have considered giving Gerhard a chance though she did not know how that would have been possible when she was always consumed by thoughts, mostly erotic thoughts of Bryan.

She and David left for the airport, early the next morning. Sharon was pale and strained.She had headache and felt queasy in the airport bus. She was afraid at a time that she was going to throw up. David d kept looking at her anxiously as they waited in the check in queue.

'Are you sure you're not coming down with something? You look terrible' Sharon'.

'Too many late nights', she said lightly.

The queue seemed to be crawling along. They had been standing there for ten minutes. She wished she could sit down. She felt very strange.

'Sharon....' she heard David say from afar and that was when she realised that she was going to faint.

She crumpled up without a sound, her auburn hair tumbling round her white face.

They called the airport doctor and Sharon was taken protesting into a quiet room where the doctor examined her, asking her questions which David interpreted for her and the interpreted her replies.

After a few minutes, David said, 'He wants to know if there has been any other symptoms?'

Sharon hesitated biting her lips.

Her hesitation did not escape the doctor who asked David something sharply.

David gave her a quick startled look then said, 'He says..

could you be pregnant?'

Sharon didn't meet his eyes. She nodded.

David d didn't have to translate that. The doctor smiled, said, 'Ah!' and added a flow of quick German which David did not know translate.

'He says that is the probable explanation for the faint then', David quietly said.'If you have further problems, you should see your own doctor when you get home.

They left the doctor and walked through the busy echoing traffic without speaking, bought some news papers and magazines which they read while they waited to board the plane.

On the flight, Sharon avoided meeting David's eyes, and he was grimly silent, his face absorbed.

It wasn't until they were back in London and driving through the rainy city that David asked in a low voice pitch so that the driver could not hear him, 'When is it due?'

She didn't want to answer but after some time she muttered, 'June'.

David was silent for sometime, she could almost hear him thinking. Then he said, 'Have you made any plans yet? Will you marry the father?'

She shook her head, looking out the window, her pale profile rigid.

She hoped Davi d would stop asking questions but he quietly went on. 'Wasn't it serious Sharon? Just a brief affair, was that it?'

She laughed suddenly bitterly angry. 'Brief is the understatement of the year. It was one night. Only one night and this had to happen! Life is unfair'.

David looked stunned. No doubt he was shocked.He himself was not a man given to promiscuity and she sensed that he hadn't imagined that she would be either. Useless now to protest that it had been wildly out of character. That she had never intended for it to happen, that she bitterly regretted it.

'Dies the father know?' Sharon shook her head.

'Will you tell him?' and she shook her head again.

Another long silence, then, 'Do I know him?', David asked and she hesitated a fraction of a second too long. 'I do'. David said before she could answer, then too fast for her to see it coming, 'Is it Bryan?'

Her head swung and she looked at him in white face disbelief. How had he leapt to that conclusion? She hadn't given him any clues that she could remember. First Gerhard had guessed, now David, was she really so obvious?

David's mouth indented and he frowned. 'You were always a little too extreme in your reactions to him', he explained his guesswork on a sigh.'I wondered what you felt

Then when you both came back from Rome, there was something different between you two. I knew something had happened there. The air turned glacial anytime you were in the same room'.

She leaned back in the car, turning away to hide the gleam of tears in her eyes.

David was so sensitive, so perceptive. We by couldn't Bryan be more like him?

When they reached her flat,Davibd said, 'I'll see you safely upstairs', and murmured something to his driverin an aside too low for her to hear. As they entered the building, she heard the limousine drive off a d looked around, looking up at David frowning.

'Why have you sent your driver away?'

'I want to talk to you. I'll take a taxi home'.

Weariness in her voice, she said, 'Davibd please, I don't feel like talking about this tonight. I'll sort my problems out and let you know what I plan to do later this week's.

Davibd ignored her protests, followed her into the flat.

'Let me make you a hot drink- how about cocoa and hot milk?'

She put a hand to her mouth, nauseated by the mention of the drinks, ran to the bathroom.

When she came back, she apologised. 'At the moment, anything seems to make me throw up'.

'You poor girl. Sit down, I've made some tea', David said. He had explored her kitchen and found some crackers too and made her eat one. They sat and sipped their tea together in silence It was very weak. A straw coloured liquid.

'Have you decided yet whether you are going to have the baby or not?' asked David and she shook her head.

I've been trying to make up my mind for weeks ever since I found out'.

'Fo you want to keep it? Will your family help you?'

She laughed grimly. 'I have no intention of telling them even if I do keep it. My father would never speak to me again. He isn't broad minded. He would be ashamed of me. He would think that everyone he knew would find out and gossip about me. He's lived in an isolated country area all his life. They don't even have a TV. I offered to give them one for Christmas one year and he refused, didn't like the idea. It was too new fangled for him. He hasn't had any new ideas in his head since he was in his teens, I suspect'.

David was fascinated. 'What about your mother?'

'She would neverargue with my father. Whatever he says goes in our house. He isn't a violent man. He never raised his hands to me but he won't stand for being contradicted, especially by a woman'.

'He sounds monstrous ', David said looking appalled.

She gave a little groan of bleak amusement. 'No, he's just a narrow minded man who has never adjusted to changing morality. I shan't be asking my parents for any help or support'.

There was a long silence, then David said quietly, 'I've got news of my own for you Sharon. I'm under sentence of death'.

She almost dropped the cup she held. Her hands shaking, she carefully put the cup down, staring at him. 'What are you talking about?'

'I have brain tumour', he said in a casual, down - to - earth tone which made it harder to take in what he was telling her. 'They say it's inoperable and growing worse'.

Numbly, she kept her eyes trained on his face, unable to believe it and yet reading the truth of it in every detail of the way that he looked.

David d was so heartbreakingly thin now, his hair had no life in it. There were more silver strands in it everyday and his skin looked waxen, drawn too tightly against his fine bone structure. He was begining to look as skeletal as one of the leaves blowing through the London street in the winter rain.

'Oh, David!' she said her lips quivering.

'I've got only six months', he said calmly. 'I could have six days. They could not give me any accurate answers. 'Now you see why I suddenly sent for Bryan and gave him a top position at the bank? I have no children. My wife and I never managed to have any before....' his voice wavered at that. 'Before she died'.

Hearing the pain in his voice for his wife which was not there for himself, Sharon felt years well up in her eyes. 'David, darling David', she said and knelt beside him and put her head on his lap, her arms around his waist, feeling as she held him, how painfully thin he was, how frail and fleshless. She broke out angrily, 'Why is Life so unfair? Why does these things happen?'